Category Archives: Foursomes

The Importance of Being Earnest

We’re seeing a couple. We like them. He’s an ex-ballerina turned financier and she’s a sporty mom who is eight feet tall. They have stamina and they’re funny. As I said, we like them, and we’ve seen them multiple times over the summer.

I haven’t been well, and my mother passed away, and I’ve been the subject of what seems like constant medical experimentation over the past year. My libido is fucked if not entirely nonexistent, and I feel pretty awful about myself (and life) in general. But there is one thing that I do very consistently that seems to keep the old engine of life tooting along, and that is that I try to stay positive.

I should have, “I am a trooper,” put on a little sign to hold up whenever people worry that I am not well enough to do whatever it is they want or need me to do, sexually or otherwise. I try to be the little engine that thinks it can, even when it can’t… or even shouldn’t… no, not always…

One of my biggest flaws is that I am very passionately and seriously committed to the comfort and happiness and others. I dislike being late, although I often tend to be for six million reasons or five thousand others, and I dislike cancelling plans simply because I don’t “feel up to it.” What? I don’t feel up to being a person? To spending time with people I like and am attracted to?

The honest answer is that, no, last night I didn’t feel up to it. Yet the couple we’re seeing was understanding and gentle with me. My husband and the wife of the couple did all of the work and her husband and I had more of a laid back evening of watching and talking and touching and giggling.

I feel guilty that I wasn’t at my best, but at least I was present… and sometimes that’s more important than being fabulously awesome and sexy all the time.

People understand that other people are human and that they get sick, and they get tired, and that they have lives. If you come across people who don’t seem to be understanding when you aren’t at your best, I hope you’ll reconsider and keep looking… because they don’t deserve your time.

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Sporty People Scheduling Mishap = Cranky Poly Amazing

We met a nice couple from Craigslist. They’re older (early 40’s) and she’s sporty (cycling and a gym membership she actually uses.) We had a lovely first date with them two weeks ago and ended up going back to their place for a little slap and tickle.

Then some things happened on our end that make scheduling that sort of thing weird,and we waited to long to schedule plans for the weekend. We had tentatively discussed doing something involving corsets with these people this coming weekend, but they assumed we’d be busy with our family issues.

You know what assuming does…

Therefore, I will not get fucked while I’m sucking cock or eating pussy this weekend and that has made me cranky.

CRANKY!

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a^2 + b^2 = c^2

Why yes, that is the Pythagorean equation!

Recently I posted this ad: 

Go On An Exciting Date With a Couple This Weekend!

Are you a pretty lady who would like to have a nice dinner with a couple with whom you might just later make out? Are you an m/f couple looking to spice up your marriage with a little swingy fun? Do you just like meeting weird, quirky people and eating food with them? Is a subtle lack of eye contact “not that big a deal?”

Get in touch with us! We’re an easy-going couple… not so bad on the eyes… who enjoy good food, and meeting good people, and if chemistry is present with said good people… maybe wacky sexventures could happen. Who knows?! He’s medium build, she’s plus-size. We’re looking for something this weekend. Prove you have a pulse by putting the Pythagorean equation in the subject line. 

Single dudes, your efforts are appreciated but, damn… can’t you read?

And we actually got a response! My logic for including an atypical “subject line” request was that people who know the equation off hand are useful, productive individuals… and people who don’t know the equation can fake it with the power of Google proving how industrious they are.
Last night we had a fun date with the couple who responded. No action occurred, but we have a bunch of interesting nerdy stuff in common. We’ll see how it goes. 
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The Cancellation Spiral

After a rather successful first encounter, and I say successful because the chemistry was right between all parties and not because there was some sexy-time, we’ve been eager to see our new couple again. Because of their childcare situation, we had a plan in place to hang out last Friday that was formed weeks ago. On the eve of our date, last Thursday that is, Mr. Amazing received a text from the wife informing us that they had been dealing with a broken-down vehicle. She also mentioned that her time of the month had come early. Therefore, they cancelled our date for last Friday night.

We get it. Stuff happens. Things come up and plans have to change. Well, Mr. Amazing gets it. I don’t get it as much. In fact I have been in a rather awful mood about the entire thing since last Thursday. It took me a few days, but I finally figured out why I have been in an awful mood. My feelings are hurt because I think the real reason they cancelled was because certain sexual things were no longer on the table.

When I voiced those hurt feelings to my husband, he reminded me that we have never had to worry about childcare and that the couple seemed to have limited chances to get away. The couple uses family to care for their small child and doesn’t want to use up that resource. So it was less about not being able to have sex and more about trying to make the most of the times they are able to spend time with us.

And Mr. Amazing is absolutely right and being entirely healthy about the cancellation, even after putting up with my grumpy ass all weekend.

During all of my grumpiness, the couple told us they had rescheduled some things on their end and could drive down this coming Friday. We played hard to get and waited for twenty-four hours before we committed to a new date for our… date. I then confirmed that we were able to move things around on our calendar to make Friday night work for us. I wasn’t as  grumpy after that.

As my husband was getting ready for work this morning he asked if I received “the text message” from the wife. I had not. He then told me that the couple had cancelled yet again. Apparently the wife’s friend “freaked out” about the change in the wife’s travel plans.

Do I have to be reasonable about the most recent cancellation? Am I the only one who thinks that it is impolite to make plans with someone when you have not yet fully cleared out prior plans with other people? Am I supposed to care that the wife’s friend freaked out? But, again, the excuse for their cancellation is valid. The wife did have plans to go out of town originally instead of seeing us, and it is altogether possible that she told her friend about the cancellation and the friend waited to freak out until after the couple had already made new plans with us. If we are going about dating these people properly, shouldn’t the friendships that are important to them be important to us as well?

Welcome to PolyAmazing’s Cancellation Spiral. It has been our experience that once someone we like starts cancelling plans they will continue to cancel plans until we give up on them entirely. Granted, it can take a while for us to give up on people. But once the flaking happens, it doesn’t stop. That means that either my husband or myself, and sometimes both of us, start to feel negatively about the other party. Remember that this is just like dating for us. We genuinely like these people and we get excited about them in a romantic context. We aren’t just meeting people for sex, we aren’t swinging, we’re just looking for the right person or people to have in our lives.

We are both guilty of getting attached to people too quickly. Given the amount of rejection we have faced in our polyamorous journey, we could be far more jaded than we are. I see our ability to open our hearts to new people as a positive trait. Unfortunately that trait also makes it easy for our emotions to quickly sour.

We are really hard on ourselves when things don’t go well with a date, a new friendship, or a relationship. We constantly wonder about the what-if and if-only.

The trick to avoiding the Cancellation Spiral is to take things at face value. We have to believe that this new couple is both interested in us and disappointed that they have had to cancel plans twice. We also have to believe that they are cancelling plans due to external factors and not because they are having second thoughts about seeing us. Lastly, we have to keep our feelings in check.

Easier said…

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All the Single Dudes Now Put Your Hands Up

Every now and again the Mister will run a very non-specific ad on Craigslist that outlines our make-the-world-a-better-place-through-good-sex philosophy and our years of experience in the wacky sex realm. The intention of the ad is to “see what’s out there.” Maybe someone has a really cool fantasy that they’ve never been able to realize… we could help with that! Maybe people have questions about polyamory or multi-partner sex… we could answer those! We have some of the best conversations with people who are new to things.

He placed such an ad last week and did not add any restrictive statements such as, “no single dudes,” for we are open to talking to anyone about sex even if we aren’t interested in having sex with them. Our ads are always interesting and well-written, and we usually get bites from the kinds of people for whom the ad is intended. By “people” I totally mean “couples and hot, single bisexual chicks.” But you got that, right?

However, something went awry with last week’s ad. Perhaps we were a bit too open and non-specific…

Here’s a recap of SINGLEDUDEMAGEDDON 2013:

83% of responses were from single dudes

16% of responses were from married dudes who did not plan to tell their wives they wanted to mess around with people from the internet

33% of responses were well-written (surprisingly)

50% of responses included pictures

60% of the pictures we received were of penises

0% of the pictures we received were of a person who was looking directly at the camera and smiling

20% of the pictures we received contained dudes playing baseball (I can’t even explain this one)

Here are some of my favourite quotes:

“Well you guys just make it sound fun.”

Why, thank ya!

“I have been a pretty straight-laced guy my whole life. “

It’s only funny because. after telling us how straight-laced he is, he tells us he is lying to his wife.

“I am stationed out here as a Marine and am super horny.”

I’d like to thank this guy for serving our country while maintaining his super horniness!

I am going to respond to the well-written ads so that those men are encouraged to continue their search. We might have some interesting conversations along the way, or, perhaps, make a new friend.

Yes, we’ve done the whole MFM thing in the past, but it’s not what we’re looking for now. Sorry, single dudes (and married liars.)

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Soft Swap Gets Harder

Since our great first date with a couple last weekend we’ve been text-messaging with said couple about our next date. If you’ll recall from “I Am the True Naughty American,” the new couple that we’re “seeing” was only interested in soft swap  for our first encounter. Now that we’ve met and fooled around they’re lifting some of their restrictions, which is both expected and very cool.

During our first date, on one of our many trips to the powder room to talk about how to get the action started, the wife confessed that they weren’t opposed swapping fully (especially with us.) The Mister and I are full swap pro’s from Dover, but that wasn’t always the case. We took our time. It is perfectly acceptable for a couple to work their way up to actual intercourse in group sex scenarios. I tend to be extremely nurturing with couples who are new to multi-partner sex. Actually, I prefer couples who have limited experience. It is so easy to become jaded and cheesy about wacky sex. Green couples = less sexventure baggage  = less crazy-ass drama and more time for scooty!

I sound like a total frat boy.

Moving on. In a conversation with the husband of the couple last night, I learned that while he is entirely comfortable with my Mister penetrating his wife, the wife isn’t quite ready to see her husband fuck another woman. What is good for the goose, isn’t good for the gander… yet.

Okay, well, um… that’s just fine. One of the things that I really love about our wacky, multi-partner sexventures is seeing my Mister enjoy himself with another woman. My husband and I have excellent sex, so I know just how good he can make another woman feel. I also have a voyeuristic streak, and I will never pass up an opportunity to see sexy people doing it.

We genuinely like these people as people, and it is rare that four separate personalities click with true chemistry. At times either the Mister or I have ended up taking one for the team for the sake of the group sexual experience and had sex with someone who is nice enough, but to whom we weren’t very sexually attracted. It isn’t an ideal situation, but it happens. We don’t always feel fantastic afterwards- that also happens. Yet, because we like both the husband and the wife, it is so much easier for me to wait to have sex with this guy. Usually I’m more attracted to the female of the couple. I try to get men off sooner rather than later so that I may return to pleasuring their ladies. With this new couple, however, I am very attracted to both the husband and the wife… so I’m cool with hanging out on the sidelines for a little while.

I won’t be alone on the sidelines. I’ll have a fun sideline-buddy who seems to be very keen to get head while he watches his wife get nailed by my husband.

I’m into that.

 

 

 

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“The spontaneity of group sex is what makes it so special and so…hot.  There is no specific recipe to a great orgy, but a group of people who are sexually charged and eager to explore and be explored by multiple partners is certainly important. “

via Lesbihonest: Threesomes, foursomes and moresomes | MiddBlog.

Lesbihonest: Threesomes, foursomes and moresomes | MiddBlog

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I Am the True Naughty American

We had an awesome date with a new couple this weekend!

It started with dinner, then moved back to our house for a game of True American with modified rules to encourage kissing if more than one person landed on the same spot. Then we played a game of War/Truth or Dare by the fire that sent the Mister and the other guy’s wife into the other room for 30 seconds of making out… during which time I totally made out with her husband. Then I was sent into the other room with the husband for 60 seconds for more making out.

And then the wife pulled me into the bathroom for a consultation.

You see, the couple that we met for dinner on Saturday night is new to the world of wacky, multi-partner sex. We met them on AFF about a month ago. At first we engaged in an e-mail exchange in which all parties were involved. Then we gave them our mobile phone numbers so we could all text for more real-time communication. They told us that they were interested in friendship and soft swap encounters, but have no actual experience.

The wife wanted to know how we started things, if we should put on a show for the men, if I was okay with everything that was happening, and if we were comfortable with being in different rooms. Normally this is a discussion that everyone has before meeting so that if something sexual starts happening everyone is on the same page. Well, we just didn’t get around to it. We really like these people as individuals and got caught up in talking about other aspects of our lives. We sort of forgot to have the Important Sex Talk before we got down to the naughty-naughty. It isn’t sexy to have the Important Sex Talk right before the sex is supposed to start happening, but sometimes that’s just how it works out. It also isn’t the greatest idea to have the Important Sex Talk with 50% of the people to whom the talk applies in the other room wondering where the pretty women went. Oh well.

I put on my Underpants Captain hat and handled that shit. I am nothing if not charming and reassuring. Yes, I told her, I was absolutely okay with everything.  No, I told her, we didn’t need to put on a show, but we could absolutely start kissing one another and see where things led.

A few minutes later she and I were kissing on the air mattress the Mister had set up by the fire. The Mister was behind me kissing my neck, her husband was behind her doing much the same. There were hands and hands and hands. Once I was satisfied that everyone was comfortable I, as the Underpants Captain, declared clothing unnecessary!

Really, once you get people stripped down to their underwear it’s only a matter of time before things are going to progress. Since they were soft swap and we knew they didn’t want to have intercourse with us, we focused on kissing and exploring with our hands. Fingering and cunnilingus were definitely on the menu Saturday night.

Here are some of my favourite naughty moments:

  • Getting roughly fingered by the husband while I was blowing my Mister, and hearing the wife tell my Mister that she had told her husband to do that
  • Kissing the wife while she and I were getting fucked
  • The husband holding my leg back while my Mister fucked me

Obviously it was a very long night of sexventure… but there is one moment that stands out among the rest:

 

I won the first game of True American.

 

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Sex Philosophy, E-mail Lies, and Soul Rape

Sooooooooooooooo… how are you?

Yeah, yeah… I know… you want to know how our date went.

Damn it.

This blog is presented by bullet points, the number 4, and Adult Contemporary Music.

To preface:

  • This couple replied to a Craigslist ad in which we outlined specifically what we were seeking, and the couple presented themselves as meeting our criteria during our e-mail interaction. They also responded as if both of them were involved in the e-mail dialogue
  • We had discussed meeting this same couple over a year ago, and the circumstances of that meeting got really weird.  We were supposed to meet them as a normal couple-date, but then they told us that another couple they were already dating was going to be there. Then they said that just the guy was going to be there
  • The couple would not get a babysitter, so we had to go to their house after their kids went to bed… which I wasn’t thrilled about, especially since our ad had stated we were looking for people who could handle their childcare situations appropriately

 

It was a dark, foggy night. I know that all nights are dark, but the fog isn’t typical, so fuck you for judging my storytelling style. Dressed to impress, but casually enough to not seem out of place in someone’s home, we ventured far far away armed with a bottle of the only wine I can drink and a six pack of ridiculously named beer. I was in charge of music for the drive, so I chose bawdy French folk songs translated into English and sang along loudly to steady my nerves.

Meeting new people is always stressful. My self-esteem takes a huge dip about forty-five minutes prior to the actual meeting and I start to get really nervous.

The couple had asked us to text them when we arrived at their home so they could open the front door. Apparently we were to sneak in quietly so as not to disturb their sleeping children. We did so and were greeted awkwardly with uncomfortable stranger-hugs. Now, I’m not opposed to hugging. I enjoy physical affection. But when they hugged us I knew immediately that these people were text-book swingers and really had no intention of treating our date like a real date. Stranger hugs kind of ick me out.

So there I was, icked out, with my husband, in a kitchen that belonged to strangers who didn’t even have real kitchen chairs (they were folding chairs… what?) listening to a story about their second pregnancy and how the guy had used said pregnancy as an excuse to get out of work. This was before we even knew what he did for a living.

Things improved slightly when we all sat down in their living room, but not by much. This is where I switch back to bullet points because their starkness makes it easier to stomach:

  • Their television was set to an Adult Contemporary music channel
  • The wife didn’t say much
  • The husband talked too much, interrupted, and ignored any commentary anyone else made on his stories. He was also a chronic name-dropper and had whatever syndrome it is that makes IT people both overly cocky and yet severely defensive at the same time
  • He admitted that he had been the one e-mailing us the entire time
  • She said she knew nothing about us except what she was learning as we talked (when her husband permitted others to speak)
  • Finally the topic of polyamory and swinging and wacky sex came up and we were invited to participate in conversation a bit more. We all discussed the different terms that people assign to group sex and what those terms meant to us. The Mister and I get really excited about discussing this aspect of our life with people that also have experience. We find the psychology behind our sexuality interesting and enjoy mulling over the general societal attitudes about different sexual lifestyles
  • The couple talked at length about their other conquests (something that we do not do. We will discuss responses to ads and tell stories about past encounters but we do not engage in conversation about current pursuits unless specifically asked. You wouldn’t tell a girl you were on a date with about the three other girls you’re also fucking, would you?)

And then things became utterly bizarre. Suddenly, the wife stood up and said that it was eleven and she had to work at nine in the morning, and that she didn’t mean to be rude. She didn’t say anything about us having to leave right that moment, and the Mister made a joke and said that maybe she did mean to be rude. She then stormed over to their front door, unlocked it, and words started coming out of her mouth. She said something about my husband being a dickhead, and that I was awesome, but that we needed to go immediately.

We were confused. I thought that she was kidding until the husband said, “Well, it’s time to call it a night.”

The Mister and I looked at one another in shock, then gathered his coat and my purse from the other room, and tried to ask the husband what we had done to cause such an outburst. The husband told us his wife was pissed and had had enough. Enough of what? We didn’t know.

We left their house, and as we were getting into the car the husband came outside to ask us if we had picked up his wife’s cell phone. Why would we touch someone else’s cell phone? Was he accusing us of stealing? The Mister told him we had not, and tried again to find out what offense we had caused. The guy just said, “She’s done,” and went back into his house.

To summarize:

  • We went on a date with a couple we were wary of and that I wasn’t very excited about in the first place
  • They threw us out of their house with no explanation
  • And they accused us of stealing

Needless to say, it was not a successful meeting.

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Frequently Asked Questions

It’s a gloomy Saturday afternoon. What better time to address some frequent questions we receive!

“How did you introduce polyamory and/or multi-partner sex into your relationship?”

We started dating in 2003, and by that time I had been actively dating and bedding men (and a few women) for years. I had had one threesome experience with a couple that didn’t really involve me having sex, but there was some oral and lots of kissing and groping, etc. One of my husband’s previous girlfriends had a girlfriend,  so he had even more threesome experience prior to our relationship. He had also done a bit of same-room or swapping stuff with couples when he was younger. We each came into our relationship with some experiences under our belts.

We met online, on AFF, and started dating casually because we enjoyed having sex with each other. We didn’t mean to fall in love and spend our lives together. We were just trying to have a nice time. I have always enjoyed watching porn, as does my husband, so we would watch porn together. My husband, knowing I was bisexual, appreciated that I felt comfortable discussing my attraction to other women with him. We would see an attractive woman on the street and talk about it, things like that. We had always liked talking dirty during sex, so other girls made their way into our dirty talk. It wasn’t long before we were discussing threesomes, and within six months of dating we were actively seeking it out.

We didn’t just dive right in to messing around with couples… it was something that happened gradually. We had a few threesomes with women, and when that became passé (can sharing a gal ever really become passé?) we decided we wanted to be watched while having sex. We met a nice guy, and he sat in a chair in my bedroom while we fucked… but I also ended up giving him a blow job while my husband and I had sex. That was the first time another man was introduced to our lovemaking.

We spent years trying to meet a girl who would be OUR girlfriend and in a relationship with us and along the way we enjoyed threesomes that would occasionally work out… but even MFF action is hard to find. Single bisexual girls are the unicorn of the multi-partner sex world. Mythical creatures. We decided we might just have to settle for a couple. And it really felt like that, like we were settling. Oh, no… we were going to have to deal with some guy just so we could play with a lady together. How horrible!

We had several fun experiences with other couples, and eventually decided that maybe couples weren’t so bad. My husband certainly enjoys watching me with another man as much as he enjoys watching me with another woman. I love watching my husband with other women. I know how good he makes me feel, so it pleases me to see him make other people feel that good.

Fast forward a few years: We met a couple with whom we became friends and spent much quality time. This was right before we got married in 2008. That couple split up and we ended up having a close relationship with the female for about a year and a half. After we parted ways with her we dabbled with a few more couples here and there, but didn’t meet anyone with whom we had a strong connection. Then we met a couple at a club we like to go to, and they lived in another city. They would come stay the weekend with us and we’d hang out and occasionally mess around after an evening of being out on the town. That went on for a few months before they moved to another state.

Those friendships with added intimacy were really nice, and we found that we missed them when they ended. But it’s hard enough finding one person you have chemistry with, let alone three other people.

So that’s how we come to be in our current state. We want to make friends, but friends that we can touch and kiss and hug. If a woman enters our life and our hearts, fantastic! If it is a couple instead, just as great. The more the merrier! We want a big household of loving people who get along and like to bump uglies.

“What was your first experience with another couple like?”

I have a really horrible memory and cannot recall the exact order of our romantic and sexual adventures over the years… so I had to ask the Mister to help out with this one. Here is what he had to say:

We met a couple, a bit younger than us, through Craigslist and they were interested in just having sex in the same room with another couple also having sex, not swapping partners.  We exchanged a few e-mails, established enough common interests and whatnot, and met for dinner.  Then went back to my house (this was before we were married) for drinks and more conversation.  PolyAmazing and I excused ourselves to talk and we agreed, although the chemistry level wasn’t entirely there, to proceed since they weren’t interested in swapping.  We had a fine time and agreed to meet them again.  The next time while we were hanging out they told us that they had decided that they were interested in oral swap.  We excused ourselves again to discuss, and didn’t really want to go forward, but we were in a difficult position and didn’t know how to get out of it without weirdness and hurt feelings.  So, we went ahead.  This is part of the learning curve of our experiences with group sex.  We’ve learned that the way out of that position is to not get in it in the first place.  In any event, that was an awkward experience and ended with some discomfort for everyone.  That was the last time we saw that couple, because it turned out that the male half had been secretly seeking another relationship all along.

“When you find a couple you’re interested in, how often do you meet for sex?”

Yes, there are people who are perfectly fine with meeting someone, getting naked, and having sex. We just aren’t those people. We are interested in meeting people with whom we develop a friendship, and, if we’re lucky, we’ll all be attracted to one another. When we had a couple with whom we were friends and were seeing regularly we usually saw them once every week or two weeks or so… but seeing them didn’t only mean having sex with them. It just meant spending time with them. Sex happened when the mood was right for everyone. If we meet a couple we like, we’d still just want to see them like normal people… with the added bit that chemistry and attraction leads to flirting.

And sometimes flirting leads to sex.

“How do you deal with feelings of jealousy?”

The first time I saw the Mister have sex with a girl it was entirely awesome, until she asked him to come inside of her. Then there was this stone that suddenly appeared in my stomach. It hurt and I wanted him to stop. So I told him, and he stopped. I’m a very emotional person.

Jealousy is a fear that someone will take something away from you… not that someone will have something. It’s important to embrace that and to be honest about how you feel. Our sex life was a very gradual progression. We had rules and boundaries when we first started messing around with people that we just don’t have now. Every time we did something that broke the rules or pushed boundaries we absolutely talked about it… and about how I felt.

Let me put it this way, when you first start dating someone you are excited all the time. You are crushy and gushy. You flirt with them and you are very physically affectionate. When you have been married for a few years and seen each other at your worst and argued and made up, and real love (the deep kind that doesn’t need the fuel of constant kisses and professions of love) sets in, you just don’t act the same way. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t attracted to your spouse, it just means that you are both comfortable and confident enough in your love to focus on living your lives together rather than focusing on how adorable you think the other is.

Now that I’ve said all of that, let me put it into the context of a couple dating another couple. If the chemistry is there, we get excited about the other couple, and those crushy, “yay something new” feelings happen. It’s normal that my husband would flirt more with a woman he just met than with me. I might flirt more with the guy or gal I just met. But although I know it’s normal, and I KNOW that my husband loves me and will always be with me… my feelings can still get hurt sometimes.

It’s like the story about the kid with the old ratty teddy bear who is his best friend in the whole world- until he gets a new shiny toy. The teddy bear is cast aside, that is, cast aside until kid is sick or sad he wants his old ratty teddy bear.

My husband doesn’t get jealous when I am excited about other people. He does have a strong sense of ownership when someone else makes moves to fill what he considers to be his shoes. That’s the key difference between him and me. I belong to him, and he doesn’t want someone else claiming his property. I belong to him, and I don’t necessarily want him to get new, shiny property.

The only way to deal with feelings of jealousy is to recognize and address them. If I have a stone in my stomach because my emotions are feeling all kinds of irrational jealousy, I can either give into it, or I can objectively view the situation and keep those feelings in check. The more those feelings are kept in check, the easier it is to keep them in check, and eventually those feelings just go away… dismissed as silly notions.

When a relationship with a girl or a couple, or even just a date doesn’t work out does it affect your relationship with your husband?

Absolutely. When one or both of us is suffering heartache it is very prominent in our relationship for a while. It hurts when relationships end, be it platonic or romantic, and that hurt can cause depressed feelings and even a weird sense of loneliness. I suppose it is weird to think of being lonely when you’re married to someone, but heartbreak, even when shared, is an emotion you have to work through on your own. It is nice to know that the Mister understands how I feel and I understand how he feels, and we are a great comfort to one another.

None of this is easy, but we try to focus on the good encounters and relationships we have had instead of wallowing in the mire and muck that is our collection of bad group sex and poly experiences.

Aren’t you just promiscuous? Sleeping with lots of people is kind of slutty don’t you think?

Granted, as a woman I went through a period of about a year where I was having a ton of sex with different partners. And granted, as a couple my husband and I have had many, many, many encounters with other people. I like to think of that time in our lives together as our unfettered youth. Even when we were having casual sex with people we were still looking for that special person/people with whom we could have a deeper relationship. We were still developing feelings for the people with whom we had longer romantic stretches.

It isn’t about sex. I really don’t feel like my husband completes me. And no, I don’t think that’s a wrong feeling to have. There are needs he cannot fulfill, just as there are needs in him that I cannot fulfill. Different people bring different benefits and drawbacks to each relationship. That is simply a fact of life. My husband and I recognize our capacity to love beyond each other. We also accept that as just us two, we don’t feel complete. We want a deeper connection with a third or third and fourth. We want a life partner…

It sounds greedy, I suppose. But it’s just how we’re wired.

As for thinking anything is “slutty”…  I love sex. There’s nothing wrong with that or with enjoying variety. But my sexual desires aren’t the entirety of my being.

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Awesome questions, everyone! Keep the questions coming!

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