Tag Archives: sex

Wait, You Mean We Aren’t Going to Have Sex Now?

For some reason, men think that if I go on a date with them and find them attractive it means that I want to have sex with them on the next date. Is it because I’m already married? Is it because I openly talk about sex? Or is it because the art of wooing a woman is dying?

Granted, when a man doesn’t immediately try to get into my pants in some fashion I think something is wrong with him… or worse yet… with me. So I’m probably not helping the male population with their behavioural issues. It’s like this. I’m of an age where I want to feel like things are special. I want to have strong feelings of attraction, not just find someone aesthetically pleasing to look at.

A “gentlemanly” fellow has asked me to the movies. I have begun the process of cancelling my date with him for the following reasons:

  • He mentioned signing up for Zumba classes after the new year began
  • His Facebook posts are insufferable
  • He used “to” instead of “too” today
  • He called me “cutie”

I was almost looking forward to my nerdy date to see the new Hobbit flick up until the whole Zumba thing happened and then I immediately wrote him off as someone with whom I cannot ever have sex. Now I am in the process of not responding to text messages as frequently. It’s no real loss. It’s not as if his gentlemanly behaviour was truly sincere. His attempts at being flirtatious came off more like creepy uncle patter than as sexy date chatter.

But I digress.

No, just because I’m married it doesn’t mean I’m looking to get laid. And no, just because I let you kiss me it doesn’t mean I’m ready to fuck you. And…. no… we aren’t going to have sex on the first date or second date. This isn’t a difficult concept to grasp.




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Last week the Fleshlight arrived! Below is the post-sex interview I tried to conduct with Mr. Amazing while he was passing out for the night:


PolyAmazing: What did the Fleshlight feel like?

Mr. Amazing: “I don’t know. It felt good. I don’t know what it felt like. It felt like a piece of lubed up silicone around my dick.”

PA: It doesn’t feel like vagina?

MA: “Not necessarily, no.”

PA: Was it cold?

MA: “At first. But then it was not body-temperature-warm but comfortably warm.”

PA: Did you like it better when I was using it on you or you were using it on yourself?

MA: “No difference.”


Here are my thoughts on the Fleshlight experience:

  • It was neat to use it on my husband and to see him use it on himself, but I was constantly concerned about lubrication. Mr. Amazing assured me he was all good. 
  • The Fleshlight was covered in corn starch when it arrived, so I rinsed it off to take full advantage of the Fleshlight Ice’s transparency. This made it super sticky. Next time I will just rinse the inside and leave the outside covered in the corn starch.
  • The sleeve (the part you fuck) fell out of the case a few times and I screamed. It’s like a weird, alien appendage.
  • It’s very heavy!

I’m pleased with it. I can’t wait to combine it with porn.

Fleshlight Ice Review

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Fleshlight- ICE

Fleshlight- ICE

Fleshlight.com is having a sale today: 15% off the entire site. I just ordered the sexy, little thing above for my husband. Our very first Fleshlight! EEEEE!

Obviously the Fleshlight is a sex toy for men, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it as well! I am so excited to use this baby on Mr. Amazing. Let’s just say that I enjoy watching dudes masturbate, especially if it involves inanimate objects. Approximately half of the porn I enjoy involves male masturbation in some form or another. Men with Fleshlights? Hot. Men who have surgically implanted their Fleshlights into stuffed unicorns? Hotter. Am I right or am I right?

Okay, so maybe the whole plushie thing isn’t your thing. I’m not into stuffed animals, I promise. I’m just into guys fucking stuff. They can fuck girls, other guys, fruit, dolls- I don’t discriminate.

But back to the Fleshlight ICE:

  • I love that I will be able to see Mr. Amazing’s spectacular cock while I use it on him!
  • I also like that I can see that it is clean (the opaque sleeves creep me out.)
  • I did order lube, because it was convenient to do so (we typically don’t have lube on hand except for use with toys. Anal? Nah… vaginal lubrication suffices with us. I promise!)
  • I did not order the Fleshlight powder, which is really just cornstarch. I can get cornstarch at the grocer, thank you very much, and for much less money.
  • I did order a cleaning spray. We have sex toy cleaner, but I wanted to get the Fleshlight branded product to maintain longevity. I feel like it is worth it.
  • Shipping was not free, but it will arrive in nondescript packaging.

Again, I’m excited. Super excited.

Carrying a Torch for the Fleshlight

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All the Single Dudes Now Put Your Hands Up

Every now and again the Mister will run a very non-specific ad on Craigslist that outlines our make-the-world-a-better-place-through-good-sex philosophy and our years of experience in the wacky sex realm. The intention of the ad is to “see what’s out there.” Maybe someone has a really cool fantasy that they’ve never been able to realize… we could help with that! Maybe people have questions about polyamory or multi-partner sex… we could answer those! We have some of the best conversations with people who are new to things.

He placed such an ad last week and did not add any restrictive statements such as, “no single dudes,” for we are open to talking to anyone about sex even if we aren’t interested in having sex with them. Our ads are always interesting and well-written, and we usually get bites from the kinds of people for whom the ad is intended. By “people” I totally mean “couples and hot, single bisexual chicks.” But you got that, right?

However, something went awry with last week’s ad. Perhaps we were a bit too open and non-specific…

Here’s a recap of SINGLEDUDEMAGEDDON 2013:

83% of responses were from single dudes

16% of responses were from married dudes who did not plan to tell their wives they wanted to mess around with people from the internet

33% of responses were well-written (surprisingly)

50% of responses included pictures

60% of the pictures we received were of penises

0% of the pictures we received were of a person who was looking directly at the camera and smiling

20% of the pictures we received contained dudes playing baseball (I can’t even explain this one)

Here are some of my favourite quotes:

“Well you guys just make it sound fun.”

Why, thank ya!

“I have been a pretty straight-laced guy my whole life. “

It’s only funny because. after telling us how straight-laced he is, he tells us he is lying to his wife.

“I am stationed out here as a Marine and am super horny.”

I’d like to thank this guy for serving our country while maintaining his super horniness!

I am going to respond to the well-written ads so that those men are encouraged to continue their search. We might have some interesting conversations along the way, or, perhaps, make a new friend.

Yes, we’ve done the whole MFM thing in the past, but it’s not what we’re looking for now. Sorry, single dudes (and married liars.)

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Consent is sexy in lots of forms. Among consenting adults, whatever goes. But it always comes back to consent. Sex positive blogs have popularized the idea of enthusiastic consent — only having sex in which both parties are enthusiastically consenting. I use this in my own relationship. If my partner senses that I am just going along with the motions, he stops. And vice versa. This means a lot more starting and stopping and a lot less sex than we used to have. But the sex we do have, we both enthusiastically want.”

via 8 Ways To Be Positive You’re Sex Positive. Check it out!

8 Ways To Be Positive You’re Sex Positive

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Masturbation Is Wrong? Nah… It’s Awesome!

I came across this article and I was shocked. It’s an amusing read, if you are able to keep your AHH-SEXUAL-REPRESSION-IS-WRONG rage beast at bay long enough to appreciate that someone took the time to crop pictures of Russel Brand (pegged as a “masturbator”) and Matt Damon (a “master of self control”) to the same size.

Essentially, one of the missions of christwire.org is to spread sex-negative propaganda and misinformation. For example:

“For adults, masturbation exhausts. It can make one groggy and unfocused. It has a steamrolling effect, encouraging individuals to think more about sex and less about their work at hand. The connection to workplace safety is evident, particularly with men operating heavy machinery or dangerous equipment. These are the very sorts of people who need to be completely focused and when their distractions and fatigues take over, the productivity of our workplaces suffers. In offices, internet porn is the most common cause of procrastination and another drain on the economy.

Despite the warnings of doctors and religious scholars, masturbation still remains very popular in America. As a society, this degree of self-manipulation goes too far in familiarizing men and women with their bodies. These people become less active in their communities and begin to see themselves as sexual predators whose sole purpose is to climax at the end of the night. Masturbation has had a ruinous effect on the institution of marriage. Countless couples have been destroyed by porn addiction, many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.”

via How To Spot A Masturbator • ChristWire.

It makes me sad that, as a society who seems to be moving in the right direction towards sexual positivity, there are still people who teach their children it is wrong to masturbate.

It makes me even sadder that those children are going to grow up and have unhealthy sex lives. If you feel wrong touching your own body, how can you freely and openly touch the body of another. You’re always holding back. You’re always guarded.

Over the years I have met many, many married couples who came from conservative backgrounds and don’t have good sex lives. They married young, and typically didn’t have any sexual encounters with anyone other than their spouse, and usually those encounters happened after marriage. I’m all for tradition, but not when it makes people unhappy. I didn’t know who I was sexually when I was a teenager. Most of us don’t. That’s why we experiment! Those married couples usually suffer from an inequality in their desires that is deeply rooted in how they were raised and how they treat themselves sexually.

Most of the time it is the man of the couple who is itching to break free and explore. That leads to a very put upon wife who s both confused and concerned about her husband’s new-found sexual liberation. She can feel rejected by him simply because she feels that what he is into in the bedroom is wrong on some level, and yet she wants to please him… but knows she can’t let herself please him fully… and she knows he knows. It’s a yucky cycle.

Sometimes it is the woman of the couple who is ready to break free. She almost becomes wild, and tries to “spice things up” with lingerie and porn and all manner of things. The man, again, rejects her, not because she is unable to fulfill him, but because his wife has suddenly become a dirty slut.

Let’s break it down. If it is wrong to masturbate and know our own bodies fully, then it is wrong for others to masturbate and know their bodies fully. If we masturbate, we feel release and then immediate shame. If our partner masturbates, we look down upon them for they are weak and loathsome. This whirlpool of negativity surrounding our own bodies and our own sexuality sucks every one else into it to some degree.

If I can’t pleasure myself, how can I pleasure you? How can I teach you to pleasure me?

Will I ever truly know pleasure?

I have a friend whose mother has never had an orgasm. The woman is in her fifties and she was raised to believe that masturbation is wrong. She has spent her entire life, from her early teens until now with the same man. She reads books about masturbation, she tries different sexual positions (which, I can tell you, has not been entirely un-traumatic for my friend who has had to talk to her mother about these things,) and she tries, bless her, tries to masturbate but is so programmed to believe that what she is doing is wrong that she has never been able to get over the hump.

Therefore this woman not only feels shame for wanting trying to masturbate, but also feels like a sexual failure because she can’t make herself come.

Is that what we want for our children?

Personally, I have had to overcome similar issues. As a teenager I was not only a closeted masturbator but also a closeted bisexual- yay for double whammies! The idea that women could touch themselves caused such harsh cognitive dissonance that I would sometimes cry when I masturbated. But I masturbated constantly, and I was obsessed with seeing sex and having sex and getting off, all of it.

My first sexual relationship with a man was doomed because of my sexual hang-ups and fascinations. I wanted sex all the time, but wasn’t comfortable asking for it or expressing myself sexually. Almost at the point where I was comfortable with myself and with him sexually, he stopped having sex with me, and I regressed into a non-masturbating shame-bot. I thought that my sex drive was abnormal. I thought that there was something so wrong with me that he couldn’t bring himself to have sex with me. It turned out to be entirely an issue on his part, and our relationship didn’t last long after that.

Immediately after that relationship ended I began my Year of Promiscuity. It was 2002 and I was determined to fuck anyone who would let me. Sex felt good, and by golly I was going to equate my self worth with the amount of sex I could manage to have.

I hope I have sufficiently illustrated the amount of neuroses attached to my sexuality and shown how fucked up one tiny idea can make a person.

Masturbation is wrong?


Masturbation is awesome.

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I Am the True Naughty American

We had an awesome date with a new couple this weekend!

It started with dinner, then moved back to our house for a game of True American with modified rules to encourage kissing if more than one person landed on the same spot. Then we played a game of War/Truth or Dare by the fire that sent the Mister and the other guy’s wife into the other room for 30 seconds of making out… during which time I totally made out with her husband. Then I was sent into the other room with the husband for 60 seconds for more making out.

And then the wife pulled me into the bathroom for a consultation.

You see, the couple that we met for dinner on Saturday night is new to the world of wacky, multi-partner sex. We met them on AFF about a month ago. At first we engaged in an e-mail exchange in which all parties were involved. Then we gave them our mobile phone numbers so we could all text for more real-time communication. They told us that they were interested in friendship and soft swap encounters, but have no actual experience.

The wife wanted to know how we started things, if we should put on a show for the men, if I was okay with everything that was happening, and if we were comfortable with being in different rooms. Normally this is a discussion that everyone has before meeting so that if something sexual starts happening everyone is on the same page. Well, we just didn’t get around to it. We really like these people as individuals and got caught up in talking about other aspects of our lives. We sort of forgot to have the Important Sex Talk before we got down to the naughty-naughty. It isn’t sexy to have the Important Sex Talk right before the sex is supposed to start happening, but sometimes that’s just how it works out. It also isn’t the greatest idea to have the Important Sex Talk with 50% of the people to whom the talk applies in the other room wondering where the pretty women went. Oh well.

I put on my Underpants Captain hat and handled that shit. I am nothing if not charming and reassuring. Yes, I told her, I was absolutely okay with everything.  No, I told her, we didn’t need to put on a show, but we could absolutely start kissing one another and see where things led.

A few minutes later she and I were kissing on the air mattress the Mister had set up by the fire. The Mister was behind me kissing my neck, her husband was behind her doing much the same. There were hands and hands and hands. Once I was satisfied that everyone was comfortable I, as the Underpants Captain, declared clothing unnecessary!

Really, once you get people stripped down to their underwear it’s only a matter of time before things are going to progress. Since they were soft swap and we knew they didn’t want to have intercourse with us, we focused on kissing and exploring with our hands. Fingering and cunnilingus were definitely on the menu Saturday night.

Here are some of my favourite naughty moments:

  • Getting roughly fingered by the husband while I was blowing my Mister, and hearing the wife tell my Mister that she had told her husband to do that
  • Kissing the wife while she and I were getting fucked
  • The husband holding my leg back while my Mister fucked me

Obviously it was a very long night of sexventure… but there is one moment that stands out among the rest:


I won the first game of True American.


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You’re Addicted to What? | The Humanist

You’re Addicted to What? | The Humanist.

In response to questions such as “Is there such a thing as sex addiction?” and “How should we conceptualize sexual behavior that appears or feels like it’s out of control?” I’m astounded by the number of professionals who collapse into responding, “What does it matter what we call it? The goal is to help these poor people.”

When homosexuality was called a mental illness, it mattered. When women were called frigid or nymphomaniacs or hysterics, it mattered. When a patient is diagnosed as possessed by the devil instead of schizophrenic it clearly matters: it determines the treatment to be used, and who is qualified to administer the treatment. How can people who make their living using words say that it doesn’t matter what you call it?

It also matters what you call it because the model of sexuality is built into the model of disease. In obsessive-compulsive disorder, we don’t say the problem is hand washing, and we don’t send people to hand-washing clinics. But in sex addiction, the problem is sex, and people are sent to sex addiction clinics.

Finally, it matters because calling this behavior an “addiction” validates the idea that these people are out of control. Instead, we need to say that feeling out of control isn’t the same as being out of control. Most “sex addicts” don’t like the consequences of their sexual choices, but they keep making those choices. We have a word for this behavioral pattern—neurosis; and we have a treatment for it—psychotherapy (sometimes supported by pharmaceuticals). The addiction model starts with “we admitted we were powerless.” The therapy model starts with “you’re responsible for your choices; I wonder why you keep doing what gives you what you say you don’t want?”

-Dr. Marty Klein

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One couple's wacky, multi-partner sex adventures and quest for poly love.


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