Tinder App – Swinger Friendly?

Mr. Amazing and I aren’t the most outgoing people so the idea of an application that exposes us to available people in our area is appealing. We both downloaded the Tinder app for Droid in the past few weeks and have been playing with it. So far I’ve had one interaction with a girl that was more than just a greeting, and my husband has interacted with two girls with whom he’s been able to converse.

Tinder uses your Facebook data and location to show you pictures of other Tinder users. The app allows you to set minimum and maximum age requirements and lets you select one or both genders as well as allowing you to increase or decrease the search radius. You have the ability to choose which photos of yourself are displayed, and you can write a little blurb about yourself. If you don’t do anything with the settings at all Tinder will display your Facebook profile picture and use text from your Facebook profile.

The app takes a few seconds to load when you first log in, stating that it’s searching for users in your area. Once it loads, you are presented with a picture of a user, their age, whether or not you have any friends in common on Facebook, an an option to view more of their pictures. If you like what you see you simply press the green check mark at the bottom of the screen, or you can just swipe to the right. If you’re not interested in person displayed, you select the red x or swipe left.

If someone whom you “liked” likes you back, Tinder tells you you’re a match and allows you to open a chat dialogue with the user. It’s essentially a “straight” version of Grindr with less emphasis on getting laid immediately.

I like Tinder’s user interface, but not the users themselves. The average user is around 23 and lacks the ability to exchange more than five messages. Because Mr. Amazing and I are married, we stated that fact specifically in our profiles, but Tinder doesn’t display your profile unless someone intentionally goes searching for it… leading to more awkward interactions and explanations. Another drawback is that the majority of users are male, so my husband frequently only has 10-20 pictures to rate in a given area before he hits the end of the list.

Tinder works well for a specific bar-crawling, wedding-party-participant crowd of singles, but is not so useful for people trying to hook up for multi-partner sex or even poly dating.  It’s fun to play with in a “hot or not” way, but I ended up uninstalling it about a week after I downloaded it.

If you’re single and under 25 I recommend it, but please say “no” to the backwards ball cap wearing frat boys. We don’t want to encourage that type of behaviour.

 

The Importance of Being Earnest

We’re seeing a couple. We like them. He’s an ex-ballerina turned financier and she’s a sporty mom who is eight feet tall. They have stamina and they’re funny. As I said, we like them, and we’ve seen them multiple times over the summer.

I haven’t been well, and my mother passed away, and I’ve been the subject of what seems like constant medical experimentation over the past year. My libido is fucked if not entirely nonexistent, and I feel pretty awful about myself (and life) in general. But there is one thing that I do very consistently that seems to keep the old engine of life tooting along, and that is that I try to stay positive.

I should have, “I am a trooper,” put on a little sign to hold up whenever people worry that I am not well enough to do whatever it is they want or need me to do, sexually or otherwise. I try to be the little engine that thinks it can, even when it can’t… or even shouldn’t… no, not always…

One of my biggest flaws is that I am very passionately and seriously committed to the comfort and happiness and others. I dislike being late, although I often tend to be for six million reasons or five thousand others, and I dislike cancelling plans simply because I don’t “feel up to it.” What? I don’t feel up to being a person? To spending time with people I like and am attracted to?

The honest answer is that, no, last night I didn’t feel up to it. Yet the couple we’re seeing was understanding and gentle with me. My husband and the wife of the couple did all of the work and her husband and I had more of a laid back evening of watching and talking and touching and giggling.

I feel guilty that I wasn’t at my best, but at least I was present… and sometimes that’s more important than being fabulously awesome and sexy all the time.

People understand that other people are human and that they get sick, and they get tired, and that they have lives. If you come across people who don’t seem to be understanding when you aren’t at your best, I hope you’ll reconsider and keep looking… because they don’t deserve your time.

Dental… Damn

I’m trying to rush to finish some dental work before I possibly lose medical benefits, so I have been to my new dentist’s office twice in a row. I go back tomorrow, and then again on Tuesday. It’s nothing major, just dealing with issues caused by medication and old fillings that need to be replaced.

I sent the following text messages to Mr. Amazing  after today’s appointment:

I got really turned on at the denist. I really liked warm, sterile gloved hands in my mouth… and at one point he was resting his fingers on my front teeth and it was crazy hot. I felt helpless and scared and turned on. Do I have a medical fetish? Or do I just like having my face touched?

I usually don’t like having my face touched, but it isn’t like I had a choice. And he didn’t talk, he just did stuff and said things to the assistant. At one point she left and it was just quiet and him doing things to my mouth and I had my eyes closed because of the light the whole time… and I was just stuck there getting my mouth tortured.

My dentist doesn’t block mouths to keep them open, he simply taps on my lips when he needs me to open up and I stay that way until told to do otherwise.

Amen.

Sporty People Scheduling Mishap = Cranky Poly Amazing

We met a nice couple from Craigslist. They’re older (early 40’s) and she’s sporty (cycling and a gym membership she actually uses.) We had a lovely first date with them two weeks ago and ended up going back to their place for a little slap and tickle.

Then some things happened on our end that make scheduling that sort of thing weird,and we waited to long to schedule plans for the weekend. We had tentatively discussed doing something involving corsets with these people this coming weekend, but they assumed we’d be busy with our family issues.

You know what assuming does…

Therefore, I will not get fucked while I’m sucking cock or eating pussy this weekend and that has made me cranky.

CRANKY!

a^2 + b^2 = c^2

Why yes, that is the Pythagorean equation!

Recently I posted this ad: 

Go On An Exciting Date With a Couple This Weekend!

Are you a pretty lady who would like to have a nice dinner with a couple with whom you might just later make out? Are you an m/f couple looking to spice up your marriage with a little swingy fun? Do you just like meeting weird, quirky people and eating food with them? Is a subtle lack of eye contact “not that big a deal?”

Get in touch with us! We’re an easy-going couple… not so bad on the eyes… who enjoy good food, and meeting good people, and if chemistry is present with said good people… maybe wacky sexventures could happen. Who knows?! He’s medium build, she’s plus-size. We’re looking for something this weekend. Prove you have a pulse by putting the Pythagorean equation in the subject line. 

Single dudes, your efforts are appreciated but, damn… can’t you read?

And we actually got a response! My logic for including an atypical “subject line” request was that people who know the equation off hand are useful, productive individuals… and people who don’t know the equation can fake it with the power of Google proving how industrious they are.

Last night we had a fun date with the couple who responded. No action occurred, but we have a bunch of interesting nerdy stuff in common. We’ll see how it goes. 

The Couple that Plays Together…

Did your brain finish the thought in my title?

Mr. Amazing and I don’t play separately from one another because we enjoy seeing one another feel good. We love each other and dig on each other sexually.

But that’s not the entire reason we play together. We do it because we rarely meet people with whom we have connection enough to venture into that “next step” area of separate play and interaction. When we first meet a girl or a couple we’re a unit. We are individuals within that unit, but we’re a package deal. Like one? You have to take the other… and so forth. But when relationships develop and grow past the initial getting to know you phase of love/sex… we are separate in our affections for the other people and we each have different self-sustaining friendships with those people. 

G. is a long-time friend of mine. She’s someone whom I love and desire and such. A few years ago the Amazing family took a trip and she was gracious enough to provide us shelter for the night. Months later she came to visit us and we had a really sexy, affectionate weekend… G. and Mr. Amazing and I. 

This coming weekend Mr. Amazing is taking a trip to see a baseball team he likes and he’s going to stay at G.’s place. I’m hoping they’ll both have a fun, dirty time together.

Wait, but isn’t that separate play?

Yes, but it’s with someone I trust and he trusts. Mr. Amazing and G. have a friendship and talk regularly, more so than she and I speak. I’m horrible at friendship maintenance, but she knows I love her and desire her. I don’t feel like I have to constantly say, “G., I love you,” for her to know that. 

Therefore I feel completely comfortable saying, “G., take my husband… Please!”

But I have demanded dirty pictures. 

MUAH HA HA HA!

Fleshlight Ice Review

Last week the Fleshlight arrived! Below is the post-sex interview I tried to conduct with Mr. Amazing while he was passing out for the night:

 

PolyAmazing: What did the Fleshlight feel like?

Mr. Amazing: “I don’t know. It felt good. I don’t know what it felt like. It felt like a piece of lubed up silicone around my dick.”

PA: It doesn’t feel like vagina?

MA: “Not necessarily, no.”

PA: Was it cold?

MA: “At first. But then it was not body-temperature-warm but comfortably warm.”

PA: Did you like it better when I was using it on you or you were using it on yourself?

MA: “No difference.”

 

Here are my thoughts on the Fleshlight experience:

• It was neat to use it on my husband and to see him use it on himself, but I was constantly concerned about lubrication. Mr. Amazing assured me he was all good. 
• The Fleshlight was covered in corn starch when it arrived, so I rinsed it off to take full advantage of the Fleshlight Ice’s transparency. This made it super sticky. Next time I will just rinse the inside and leave the outside covered in the corn starch.
• The sleeve (the part you fuck) fell out of the case a few times and I screamed. It’s like a weird, alien appendage.
• It’s very heavy!

I’m pleased with it. I can’t wait to combine it with porn.

Carrying a Torch for the Fleshlight

Fleshlight- ICE

Fleshlight.com is having a sale today: 15% off the entire site. I just ordered the sexy, little thing above for my husband. Our very first Fleshlight! EEEEE!

Obviously the Fleshlight is a sex toy for men, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it as well! I am so excited to use this baby on Mr. Amazing. Let’s just say that I enjoy watching dudes masturbate, especially if it involves inanimate objects. Approximately half of the porn I enjoy involves male masturbation in some form or another. Men with Fleshlights? Hot. Men who have surgically implanted their Fleshlights into stuffed unicorns? Hotter. Am I right or am I right?

Okay, so maybe the whole plushie thing isn’t your thing. I’m not into stuffed animals, I promise. I’m just into guys fucking stuff. They can fuck girls, other guys, fruit, dolls- I don’t discriminate.

But back to the Fleshlight ICE:

• I love that I will be able to see Mr. Amazing’s spectacular cock while I use it on him!
• I also like that I can see that it is clean (the opaque sleeves creep me out.)
• I did order lube, because it was convenient to do so (we typically don’t have lube on hand except for use with toys. Anal? Nah… vaginal lubrication suffices with us. I promise!)
• I did not order the Fleshlight powder, which is really just cornstarch. I can get cornstarch at the grocer, thank you very much, and for much less money.
• I did order a cleaning spray. We have sex toy cleaner, but I wanted to get the Fleshlight branded product to maintain longevity. I feel like it is worth it.
• Shipping was not free, but it will arrive in nondescript packaging.

Again, I’m excited. Super excited.

Can Swingers Have a Happy Marriage? | Psychology Today

“Even though many people assume that swinging is a man’s fantasy, it’s often the women who find themselves enjoy it more, Bergstrand says. Men are more likely to feel competitive with other men, wondering if their wives preferred their swinging partners, while women tend to be supportive of each other within the swinging scene, he says.”

via Can Swingers Have a Happy Marriage? | Psychology Today.

All the Single Dudes Now Put Your Hands Up

Every now and again the Mister will run a very non-specific ad on Craigslist that outlines our make-the-world-a-better-place-through-good-sex philosophy and our years of experience in the wacky sex realm. The intention of the ad is to “see what’s out there.” Maybe someone has a really cool fantasy that they’ve never been able to realize… we could help with that! Maybe people have questions about polyamory or multi-partner sex… we could answer those! We have some of the best conversations with people who are new to things.

He placed such an ad last week and did not add any restrictive statements such as, “no single dudes,” for we are open to talking to anyone about sex even if we aren’t interested in having sex with them. Our ads are always interesting and well-written, and we usually get bites from the kinds of people for whom the ad is intended. By “people” I totally mean “couples and hot, single bisexual chicks.” But you got that, right?

However, something went awry with last week’s ad. Perhaps we were a bit too open and non-specific…

Here’s a recap of SINGLEDUDEMAGEDDON 2013:

83% of responses were from single dudes

16% of responses were from married dudes who did not plan to tell their wives they wanted to mess around with people from the internet

33% of responses were well-written (surprisingly)

50% of responses included pictures

60% of the pictures we received were of penises

0% of the pictures we received were of a person who was looking directly at the camera and smiling

20% of the pictures we received contained dudes playing baseball (I can’t even explain this one)

Here are some of my favourite quotes:

“Well you guys just make it sound fun.”

Why, thank ya!

“I have been a pretty straight-laced guy my whole life. “

It’s only funny because. after telling us how straight-laced he is, he tells us he is lying to his wife.

“I am stationed out here as a Marine and am super horny.”

I’d like to thank this guy for serving our country while maintaining his super horniness!

I am going to respond to the well-written ads so that those men are encouraged to continue their search. We might have some interesting conversations along the way, or, perhaps, make a new friend.

Yes, we’ve done the whole MFM thing in the past, but it’s not what we’re looking for now. Sorry, single dudes (and married liars.)