If you’re poly, and you’re not part your local poly community, join Fetlife! You’ll find lots of people just like you!
Here’s a link to a great explanation of what Fetlife is:
“Dont assume every problem you encounter is related to polyamory.
When youre involved in any non-traditional relationship model, it can sometimes be tempting to blame every problem you may encounter on that model. This seems particularly true in polyamory, where it might be easy and tempting to blame the polyamory for whatever trouble you may encounter–\”If we werent poly, we wouldnt have to deal with this!\”But thats not necessarily so. Even traditional, monogamous relationships face their fair share of challenges and difficulties.For example, if youre in a poly relationship and you feel that you arent getting enough of your partners attention, it might be tempting to say, \”If you werent also involved with so-and-so, I wouldnt be feeling neglected.\” But in any relationship, situations exist that may distract your lovers attention–work, family, and so on. The problem in this case isnt really polyamory–its time management.Isolating the root cause of the problem, rather than simply blaming the problem on polyamory, is an excellent way to resolve relationship difficulties.
A rather unpleasant discussion on a Polyamory Bulletin Board about not feeling comfortable in some poly relationships triggered this post. I considered outlining the whole mess, but all you really need to know is that someone on the board held the opinion that either you are polyamorous and okay with every single thing that happens in a polyamorous relationship, or you are not polyamorous and you are being selfish by not getting the fuck out of the “lifestyle.”
Obviously that opinion holds no water with me. I’ve been in a poly relationship and there were things that were awesome and there were things that hurt my feelings and there were things that I learned and ways that I grew. One of the most important lessons I learned during that particular relationship is that, no, I don’t know how I will feel about 100% of everything. Therefore it is important to communicate communicate communicate.
The bulletin board thing happened months ago, but I recently received a message from a gal who asked if I’d be willing to talk to her because, given what she had read in the discussion thread, she thinks that she is going through something similar to what I went through.
It’s been some time since I’ve updated this blog and that’s just because we haven’t really had anything going on in the wacky sex department. However I feel it is important that everyone out there trying their hand at poly love knows this:
Human relationships aren’t perfect and that you know yourself as well as anyone else but still not know what you want. And polyamory and open relationships can work most of the time in your relationship, but that doesn’t mean it works all the time. People should experiment with who they are. Sometimes you don’t know how you feel about things until you’ve been doing them for years and one day you realize you’re not happy. That’s life AND polyamory.
Life is an experiment.
“For all that I like the expression New Relationship Energy (NRE) rather than using an expression that has a lot of cultural baggage like “falling in love”, some of that cultural baggage has a point. When you’re wrapped up in the ga-ga emotions of being in a new relationship, it’s distracting.”
Every now and again the Mister will run a very non-specific ad on Craigslist that outlines our make-the-world-a-better-place-through-good-sex philosophy and our years of experience in the wacky sex realm. The intention of the ad is to “see what’s out there.” Maybe someone has a really cool fantasy that they’ve never been able to realize… we could help with that! Maybe people have questions about polyamory or multi-partner sex… we could answer those! We have some of the best conversations with people who are new to things.
He placed such an ad last week and did not add any restrictive statements such as, “no single dudes,” for we are open to talking to anyone about sex even if we aren’t interested in having sex with them. Our ads are always interesting and well-written, and we usually get bites from the kinds of people for whom the ad is intended. By “people” I totally mean “couples and hot, single bisexual chicks.” But you got that, right?
However, something went awry with last week’s ad. Perhaps we were a bit too open and non-specific…
Here’s a recap of SINGLEDUDEMAGEDDON 2013:
83% of responses were from single dudes
16% of responses were from married dudes who did not plan to tell their wives they wanted to mess around with people from the internet
33% of responses were well-written (surprisingly)
50% of responses included pictures
60% of the pictures we received were of penises
0% of the pictures we received were of a person who was looking directly at the camera and smiling
20% of the pictures we received contained dudes playing baseball (I can’t even explain this one)
Here are some of my favourite quotes:
“Well you guys just make it sound fun.”
Why, thank ya!
“I have been a pretty straight-laced guy my whole life. “
It’s only funny because. after telling us how straight-laced he is, he tells us he is lying to his wife.
“I am stationed out here as a Marine and am super horny.”
I’d like to thank this guy for serving our country while maintaining his super horniness!
I am going to respond to the well-written ads so that those men are encouraged to continue their search. We might have some interesting conversations along the way, or, perhaps, make a new friend.
Yes, we’ve done the whole MFM thing in the past, but it’s not what we’re looking for now. Sorry, single dudes (and married liars.)
“Basically, if SexGeek was a hipster, and polyamory was a band, she’d be twirling her ridiculous handlebar mustache and rolling her eyes about how polyamory used to be cool but then it sold out. Then she’d take a swig of her Starbucks and a drag on her cigarette.”
"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." - Aldous Huxley
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