Category Archives: Married & Dating

Wait, You Mean We Aren’t Going to Have Sex Now?

For some reason, men think that if I go on a date with them and find them attractive it means that I want to have sex with them on the next date. Is it because I’m already married? Is it because I openly talk about sex? Or is it because the art of wooing a woman is dying?

Granted, when a man doesn’t immediately try to get into my pants in some fashion I think something is wrong with him… or worse yet… with me. So I’m probably not helping the male population with their behavioural issues. It’s like this. I’m of an age where I want to feel like things are special. I want to have strong feelings of attraction, not just find someone aesthetically pleasing to look at.

A “gentlemanly” fellow has asked me to the movies. I have begun the process of cancelling my date with him for the following reasons:

  • He mentioned signing up for Zumba classes after the new year began
  • His Facebook posts are insufferable
  • He used “to” instead of “too” today
  • He called me “cutie”

I was almost looking forward to my nerdy date to see the new Hobbit flick up until the whole Zumba thing happened and then I immediately wrote him off as someone with whom I cannot ever have sex. Now I am in the process of not responding to text messages as frequently. It’s no real loss. It’s not as if his gentlemanly behaviour was truly sincere. His attempts at being flirtatious came off more like creepy uncle patter than as sexy date chatter.

But I digress.

No, just because I’m married it doesn’t mean I’m looking to get laid. And no, just because I let you kiss me it doesn’t mean I’m ready to fuck you. And…. no… we aren’t going to have sex on the first date or second date. This isn’t a difficult concept to grasp.

 

 

 

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24 Signs Dating Isn’t For You

17. Your friends tell you your standards are “rigid” and “unrealistic.”

24 Signs Dating Isn't For You

How are some of your friends dating more than one person right now. How do they like that many people.

via 24 Signs Dating Isn’t For You.

Seinfeld-esque Fickleness, and other Misadventures

fick·le
ˈfikəl/
adjective
 

1.changing frequently, esp. as regards one’s loyalties, interests, or affection.

 

As easy as I am to turn on, I am equally as easy to turn off. The “Man Hands” episode of Seinfeld is a perfect illustration of how quickly I cool my heels. Therefore I am incredibly difficult to date, because one little mole or snort or hobby or habit can blow the entire deal. It is one thing to be discriminating or even picky, but I take being fickle very seriously. It is a special person who can get past my original summation of their obvious and not-so-obvious flaws and fast decision to never, ever see them again.  

So… I’ve been dating. Here is how that is going:

Name: Science Guy

How We Met: He responded to a Craigslist ad I posted.

First Date: Dinner at a local Italian chain and discussion of arcade game circuitry, String Theory, and literature. 

First Date Wrap-Up: A light (extremely light… we’re talking just barely touching) hug. 

Second Date? Yes… Vietnamese for lunch and another light hug.

Third Date? No.

Why It Won’t Work: He asked me he if he could buy me a Christmas present and had our next 7 dates planned out. He lied about being married and told me that it was great that I had an open relationship, but that he did not. He tried to play the “my marriage shouldn’t be a factor in us dating and vice versa” card. I don’t date married men who are lying to their wives. Period. I’m not comfortable being party to deceit. 

Am I Being Unreasonable? Society wouldn’t say so. Nobody likes a cheater.

Name: Mr. Barnes & Noble

How We Met: He asked for my number at Barnes & Noble after a short discussion about a literary magazine I was reading at a table in the Starbucks. 

First Date: Coffee at a local chain. 

First Date Wrap-Up: Kissing

Second Date? No.

Why It Won’t Work: He has sent me numerous pictures of his cats via text, and is a Mac user. Cat/Mac people are insufferable. He’s bisexual, and I’ve vowed “never again” when it comes to dating bisexual men.

Am I Being Unreasonable? Probably. I liked him. He’s cute. I enjoy our “textual” interaction, but really the Cat/Mac thing is too much of a turn off for me to continue with anything beyond the occasional text conversation. 

Name: The Musician

How We Met: OK Cupid

First Date: Coffee at a vegetarian cafe where we mostly talked about him and places he’s toured in Europe.

First Date Wrap-Up: Kissing and him going for a grope.

Second Date? No.

Why It Won’t Work: He’s 23 and lives in a house with five roommates. On the very same day we met he started asking me to come back to his place- once at the end of our date, and then again via repeated texts for the remainder of the day. He obviously liked me, but I don’t fuck someone right after I meet them (anymore). The biggest turn off was when he made MILF references. I get it. I’m 33 and a mom. That doesn’t make it okay to discuss my age or family in a sexual context. 

Am I Being Unreasonable? Being direct is important to me but there is a difference between being direct and being forward. Just because I’m in an open relationship it does not mean  I am some pent up housewife looking for a quick lay. I shut down when people start calling me a “hot mom.”

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Married and Dating

The Mister and I have opened the relationship up. That’s right! We’re dating separately. It’s an experiment.

I have placed a few ads on Craigslist and made myself a separate profile on AFF. The influx of penis pictures on AFF is overwhelming, but I’ve managed to keep the cocks at bay in my email inbox by carefully constructing my ads.

So far I have met a drama-prone, self-described Chap-stick Lesbian I’ve been text-messaging, a Scientist Dude with whom I have a congenial email exchange, and a Slacker Dude I met on AFF chat who has not yet tried to show me his penis, but threatens to do so if I don’t declare the absolute genius of Bill Murray. Of course I have had many more interactions with people (the needy musician, the over-zealous cross-dresser, the aged hipster) whom have not made the cut.

I did receive an incredible picture of what I can only describe as Jesus with a Photoshop-enhanced man-chest. Unfortunately he went into the trash bin with many others.

I have yet to meet anyone in person, as I am still in the vetting process. I came close this evening, but Scientist Dude got stuck at work.

It’s hard to be a single married woman!

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Lions, & Tigers, & Self Care

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One couple's wacky, multi-partner sex adventures and quest for poly love.

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