Category Archives: Threesomes

a^2 + b^2 = c^2

Why yes, that is the Pythagorean equation!

Recently I posted this ad: 

Go On An Exciting Date With a Couple This Weekend!

Are you a pretty lady who would like to have a nice dinner with a couple with whom you might just later make out? Are you an m/f couple looking to spice up your marriage with a little swingy fun? Do you just like meeting weird, quirky people and eating food with them? Is a subtle lack of eye contact “not that big a deal?”

Get in touch with us! We’re an easy-going couple… not so bad on the eyes… who enjoy good food, and meeting good people, and if chemistry is present with said good people… maybe wacky sexventures could happen. Who knows?! He’s medium build, she’s plus-size. We’re looking for something this weekend. Prove you have a pulse by putting the Pythagorean equation in the subject line. 

Single dudes, your efforts are appreciated but, damn… can’t you read?

And we actually got a response! My logic for including an atypical “subject line” request was that people who know the equation off hand are useful, productive individuals… and people who don’t know the equation can fake it with the power of Google proving how industrious they are.
Last night we had a fun date with the couple who responded. No action occurred, but we have a bunch of interesting nerdy stuff in common. We’ll see how it goes. 
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All the Single Dudes Now Put Your Hands Up

Every now and again the Mister will run a very non-specific ad on Craigslist that outlines our make-the-world-a-better-place-through-good-sex philosophy and our years of experience in the wacky sex realm. The intention of the ad is to “see what’s out there.” Maybe someone has a really cool fantasy that they’ve never been able to realize… we could help with that! Maybe people have questions about polyamory or multi-partner sex… we could answer those! We have some of the best conversations with people who are new to things.

He placed such an ad last week and did not add any restrictive statements such as, “no single dudes,” for we are open to talking to anyone about sex even if we aren’t interested in having sex with them. Our ads are always interesting and well-written, and we usually get bites from the kinds of people for whom the ad is intended. By “people” I totally mean “couples and hot, single bisexual chicks.” But you got that, right?

However, something went awry with last week’s ad. Perhaps we were a bit too open and non-specific…

Here’s a recap of SINGLEDUDEMAGEDDON 2013:

83% of responses were from single dudes

16% of responses were from married dudes who did not plan to tell their wives they wanted to mess around with people from the internet

33% of responses were well-written (surprisingly)

50% of responses included pictures

60% of the pictures we received were of penises

0% of the pictures we received were of a person who was looking directly at the camera and smiling

20% of the pictures we received contained dudes playing baseball (I can’t even explain this one)

Here are some of my favourite quotes:

“Well you guys just make it sound fun.”

Why, thank ya!

“I have been a pretty straight-laced guy my whole life. “

It’s only funny because. after telling us how straight-laced he is, he tells us he is lying to his wife.

“I am stationed out here as a Marine and am super horny.”

I’d like to thank this guy for serving our country while maintaining his super horniness!

I am going to respond to the well-written ads so that those men are encouraged to continue their search. We might have some interesting conversations along the way, or, perhaps, make a new friend.

Yes, we’ve done the whole MFM thing in the past, but it’s not what we’re looking for now. Sorry, single dudes (and married liars.)

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“The spontaneity of group sex is what makes it so special and so…hot.  There is no specific recipe to a great orgy, but a group of people who are sexually charged and eager to explore and be explored by multiple partners is certainly important. “

via Lesbihonest: Threesomes, foursomes and moresomes | MiddBlog.

Lesbihonest: Threesomes, foursomes and moresomes | MiddBlog

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Graffiti Artist After My Own Heart

Stop sign graffiti

“STOP MONOGAMY, HAVE A THREE WAY.”

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Frequently Asked Questions

It’s a gloomy Saturday afternoon. What better time to address some frequent questions we receive!

“How did you introduce polyamory and/or multi-partner sex into your relationship?”

We started dating in 2003, and by that time I had been actively dating and bedding men (and a few women) for years. I had had one threesome experience with a couple that didn’t really involve me having sex, but there was some oral and lots of kissing and groping, etc. One of my husband’s previous girlfriends had a girlfriend,  so he had even more threesome experience prior to our relationship. He had also done a bit of same-room or swapping stuff with couples when he was younger. We each came into our relationship with some experiences under our belts.

We met online, on AFF, and started dating casually because we enjoyed having sex with each other. We didn’t mean to fall in love and spend our lives together. We were just trying to have a nice time. I have always enjoyed watching porn, as does my husband, so we would watch porn together. My husband, knowing I was bisexual, appreciated that I felt comfortable discussing my attraction to other women with him. We would see an attractive woman on the street and talk about it, things like that. We had always liked talking dirty during sex, so other girls made their way into our dirty talk. It wasn’t long before we were discussing threesomes, and within six months of dating we were actively seeking it out.

We didn’t just dive right in to messing around with couples… it was something that happened gradually. We had a few threesomes with women, and when that became passé (can sharing a gal ever really become passé?) we decided we wanted to be watched while having sex. We met a nice guy, and he sat in a chair in my bedroom while we fucked… but I also ended up giving him a blow job while my husband and I had sex. That was the first time another man was introduced to our lovemaking.

We spent years trying to meet a girl who would be OUR girlfriend and in a relationship with us and along the way we enjoyed threesomes that would occasionally work out… but even MFF action is hard to find. Single bisexual girls are the unicorn of the multi-partner sex world. Mythical creatures. We decided we might just have to settle for a couple. And it really felt like that, like we were settling. Oh, no… we were going to have to deal with some guy just so we could play with a lady together. How horrible!

We had several fun experiences with other couples, and eventually decided that maybe couples weren’t so bad. My husband certainly enjoys watching me with another man as much as he enjoys watching me with another woman. I love watching my husband with other women. I know how good he makes me feel, so it pleases me to see him make other people feel that good.

Fast forward a few years: We met a couple with whom we became friends and spent much quality time. This was right before we got married in 2008. That couple split up and we ended up having a close relationship with the female for about a year and a half. After we parted ways with her we dabbled with a few more couples here and there, but didn’t meet anyone with whom we had a strong connection. Then we met a couple at a club we like to go to, and they lived in another city. They would come stay the weekend with us and we’d hang out and occasionally mess around after an evening of being out on the town. That went on for a few months before they moved to another state.

Those friendships with added intimacy were really nice, and we found that we missed them when they ended. But it’s hard enough finding one person you have chemistry with, let alone three other people.

So that’s how we come to be in our current state. We want to make friends, but friends that we can touch and kiss and hug. If a woman enters our life and our hearts, fantastic! If it is a couple instead, just as great. The more the merrier! We want a big household of loving people who get along and like to bump uglies.

“What was your first experience with another couple like?”

I have a really horrible memory and cannot recall the exact order of our romantic and sexual adventures over the years… so I had to ask the Mister to help out with this one. Here is what he had to say:

We met a couple, a bit younger than us, through Craigslist and they were interested in just having sex in the same room with another couple also having sex, not swapping partners.  We exchanged a few e-mails, established enough common interests and whatnot, and met for dinner.  Then went back to my house (this was before we were married) for drinks and more conversation.  PolyAmazing and I excused ourselves to talk and we agreed, although the chemistry level wasn’t entirely there, to proceed since they weren’t interested in swapping.  We had a fine time and agreed to meet them again.  The next time while we were hanging out they told us that they had decided that they were interested in oral swap.  We excused ourselves again to discuss, and didn’t really want to go forward, but we were in a difficult position and didn’t know how to get out of it without weirdness and hurt feelings.  So, we went ahead.  This is part of the learning curve of our experiences with group sex.  We’ve learned that the way out of that position is to not get in it in the first place.  In any event, that was an awkward experience and ended with some discomfort for everyone.  That was the last time we saw that couple, because it turned out that the male half had been secretly seeking another relationship all along.

“When you find a couple you’re interested in, how often do you meet for sex?”

Yes, there are people who are perfectly fine with meeting someone, getting naked, and having sex. We just aren’t those people. We are interested in meeting people with whom we develop a friendship, and, if we’re lucky, we’ll all be attracted to one another. When we had a couple with whom we were friends and were seeing regularly we usually saw them once every week or two weeks or so… but seeing them didn’t only mean having sex with them. It just meant spending time with them. Sex happened when the mood was right for everyone. If we meet a couple we like, we’d still just want to see them like normal people… with the added bit that chemistry and attraction leads to flirting.

And sometimes flirting leads to sex.

“How do you deal with feelings of jealousy?”

The first time I saw the Mister have sex with a girl it was entirely awesome, until she asked him to come inside of her. Then there was this stone that suddenly appeared in my stomach. It hurt and I wanted him to stop. So I told him, and he stopped. I’m a very emotional person.

Jealousy is a fear that someone will take something away from you… not that someone will have something. It’s important to embrace that and to be honest about how you feel. Our sex life was a very gradual progression. We had rules and boundaries when we first started messing around with people that we just don’t have now. Every time we did something that broke the rules or pushed boundaries we absolutely talked about it… and about how I felt.

Let me put it this way, when you first start dating someone you are excited all the time. You are crushy and gushy. You flirt with them and you are very physically affectionate. When you have been married for a few years and seen each other at your worst and argued and made up, and real love (the deep kind that doesn’t need the fuel of constant kisses and professions of love) sets in, you just don’t act the same way. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t attracted to your spouse, it just means that you are both comfortable and confident enough in your love to focus on living your lives together rather than focusing on how adorable you think the other is.

Now that I’ve said all of that, let me put it into the context of a couple dating another couple. If the chemistry is there, we get excited about the other couple, and those crushy, “yay something new” feelings happen. It’s normal that my husband would flirt more with a woman he just met than with me. I might flirt more with the guy or gal I just met. But although I know it’s normal, and I KNOW that my husband loves me and will always be with me… my feelings can still get hurt sometimes.

It’s like the story about the kid with the old ratty teddy bear who is his best friend in the whole world- until he gets a new shiny toy. The teddy bear is cast aside, that is, cast aside until kid is sick or sad he wants his old ratty teddy bear.

My husband doesn’t get jealous when I am excited about other people. He does have a strong sense of ownership when someone else makes moves to fill what he considers to be his shoes. That’s the key difference between him and me. I belong to him, and he doesn’t want someone else claiming his property. I belong to him, and I don’t necessarily want him to get new, shiny property.

The only way to deal with feelings of jealousy is to recognize and address them. If I have a stone in my stomach because my emotions are feeling all kinds of irrational jealousy, I can either give into it, or I can objectively view the situation and keep those feelings in check. The more those feelings are kept in check, the easier it is to keep them in check, and eventually those feelings just go away… dismissed as silly notions.

When a relationship with a girl or a couple, or even just a date doesn’t work out does it affect your relationship with your husband?

Absolutely. When one or both of us is suffering heartache it is very prominent in our relationship for a while. It hurts when relationships end, be it platonic or romantic, and that hurt can cause depressed feelings and even a weird sense of loneliness. I suppose it is weird to think of being lonely when you’re married to someone, but heartbreak, even when shared, is an emotion you have to work through on your own. It is nice to know that the Mister understands how I feel and I understand how he feels, and we are a great comfort to one another.

None of this is easy, but we try to focus on the good encounters and relationships we have had instead of wallowing in the mire and muck that is our collection of bad group sex and poly experiences.

Aren’t you just promiscuous? Sleeping with lots of people is kind of slutty don’t you think?

Granted, as a woman I went through a period of about a year where I was having a ton of sex with different partners. And granted, as a couple my husband and I have had many, many, many encounters with other people. I like to think of that time in our lives together as our unfettered youth. Even when we were having casual sex with people we were still looking for that special person/people with whom we could have a deeper relationship. We were still developing feelings for the people with whom we had longer romantic stretches.

It isn’t about sex. I really don’t feel like my husband completes me. And no, I don’t think that’s a wrong feeling to have. There are needs he cannot fulfill, just as there are needs in him that I cannot fulfill. Different people bring different benefits and drawbacks to each relationship. That is simply a fact of life. My husband and I recognize our capacity to love beyond each other. We also accept that as just us two, we don’t feel complete. We want a deeper connection with a third or third and fourth. We want a life partner…

It sounds greedy, I suppose. But it’s just how we’re wired.

As for thinking anything is “slutty”…  I love sex. There’s nothing wrong with that or with enjoying variety. But my sexual desires aren’t the entirety of my being.

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Awesome questions, everyone! Keep the questions coming!

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Rules of Engagement Part III: I Am Always The Underpants Captain

The crappy bootlegged New Girl scene above (thanks Youtube!) perfectly captures the awkwardness that settles over a room when someone says, “So… are we going to do this, or what?”

I can dish out some half-assed advice about what to wear and how to meet people all day, but I really only have two words for you when it comes to getting the clothed people in your living room naked and into bed- Underpants Captain.

You’ve met the right someone or someones and you’re ready to make the sexventure action happen. You’re all enjoying wine and perhaps playing a board game or just having a pleasant conversation. At some point in the evening someone is going to look at their watch and wonder when the naked fun times are going to begin. When that happens, the least awkward thing you can do is attempt to move everyone to the bedroom as quickly as possible. I suggest saying something like:

“Why don’t we all go into the other room where it’s more comfortable?”

If that phrase doesn’t drop some panties, I don’t know what will.

Once everyone is in the bedroom, some form of groping or making out is going to occur. This is when you really want to seal the deal by getting everyone as naked as possible as quickly as possible. Screw all of that “I like to take my time and strip a girl slowly blah blah blah” crap and just make nudity happen.

This is where “New Girl” wisdom comes into play. In our house, I am the Underpants Captain. I am always the first one to get naked. Being 1. a woman an having 2. boobs makes other people in the room also want to be naked. I highly suggest making the female/prettier half of your partnership the Underpants Captain. You can certainly let the male/less pretty half try the role of Underpants Captain if your prettier half is shy… but I cannot guarantee successful results.

A suddenly naked man is threatening and/or comical.

A suddenly naked woman is fucking hot.

If the other people in the room are reluctant to take off their clothes, the Underpants Captain should declare, “I am the Underpants Captain, and your clothing displeases me!” in as sexy a voice as possible. If sexy voices don’t work for you, go with the “Thor, God of Thunder” voice. You know the voice of which I speak.

A suddenly naked woman making declarations in a sexy voice is disarming and alluring.

A suddenly naked woman making declarations in her “Thor, God of Thunder” voice is just weird enough to put all others into a state of shock during which you simply remove their clothing for them. You know, to be helpful.

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I Miss Girl Sex

The last time I had any hot girl-on-girl action wasn’t hot in the least, and I’m not even certain that the thing that was in bed with me was a real, live, human girl. I’m pretty certain that some awful, white-trash swamp monster and her charming husband got into the house while we were unawares. It kept speaking pigeon French and asking me for my prescription medication.

She had a vagina.

Of that much I am certain.

Taking that traumatic evening out of consideration, the last time I had true girl-on-girl action with someone who was most definitely all woman was… gosh… February?

Yikes.

It’s been a while to be sure.

Ideally we’d find a lovely gal to play with on a regular basis. A friend, a lover… all of that. A fully bisexual gal, and none of that “pillow princess” or bi-curious bullshit that’s so rampant on Craigslist right now. If there’s one thing I love more than getting fucked, it’s getting fucked while I’m eating pussy seconded only by tasting my own pussy on another woman’s mouth.

Women are just so soft, and they smell nice, and they’re pretty to look at.

I recently had a conversation about why I objectify women and how that relates to my bisexuality. I fully believe the fact that my father had Penthouse, Playboy, and Hustler magazines randomly boxed up around the house when I was little is where it all started. I started masturbating when I was four, and I never thought about boys. I thought about boobs. Big boobs. Little boobs. Boobs in lingerie. The whole vulva area didn’t do much for me until I was in my early teens. Then I had the glories of Cinemax After Dark soft core that I could kind of unscramble with a fine tuning button on my bedroom TV’s remote. Snowy boobs.

I remember the first woman-on-woman scene I ever saw. It was one of those movies where the bored housewife becomes a high-priced escort. A woman in a tux and top hat hires her for her services and they make soft core love.

I cried when I saw it.

I couldn’t believe women were allowed to do that.

I could touch boobs? Boobs that weren’t mine?

It was around that time, fourteen or fifteen, that I started fantasizing about being in the same room as couples who were having sex. One fantasy in particular involved having a panel in my bedroom wall that would slide aside to reveal a couple fucking really hard. The harder they fucked, the more the woman’s tits would bounce. Bouncing boobs.

I didn’t really understand my own bisexuality until I was in High School, and even then I was so very closeted about it. A girl kissed me when a group of us were being dropped off from a party and then told me she wouldn’t tell anyone so my reputation at school wouldn’t be marred. Another girl kissed and groped me in the basement of an old school auditorium where a community theater production was going on.

The first time I was really with a girl I practically date-raped her. She was straight and very very drunk and forlorn over a breakup. I was supposed to be consoling her. Instead, I took off her pajama bottoms and went down on her. I don’t remember if I made her come. I do know she didn’t talk to me after that.

She’s my pharmacist now.

Small world.

I went on a few dates with a nice Jewish girl, but nothing physical ever happened. She’s happily married now. I went on a few dates with a girl from New Zealand who tasted like cigarettes. My husband and I ended up having something of a three-way with her later on.

It’s been a random parade of women since then- women and couples and the occasional single guy.

Sometimes I try to count how many people I’ve had sex with, and then break it down into how many men and how many women. It’s foggy, truly. There’s good sex and better sex and some heart break. There’s even the girl who got away.

There’s always a girl who got away.

I miss girl sex.

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Baby It’s Cold Outside… So Let’s Have A Threesome Part II

Fun Fact: Chicks always flake on wacky multi-partner sex at the last minute. Always.

As expected, because that is 3 out of 5 planned sexual encounters go, the girl who was supposed to come over and let my husband make nice with her boobs suddenly had to take a friend to the emergency room.

We haven’t had that excuse before, so at least there’s one to add.

The most interesting excuse we’ve ever had was from a couple. The gal informed us that her husband was stuck in NYC with no wallet and that was why they couldn’t come over as planned. Why he was in NYC when he had not been the day prior is a mystery. Then there was the girl who was stuck in a huge traffic situation and kept sending us text messages about how far she had moved up in line, and that she had just pulled over to look at a map. That went on for hours before she suddenly gave up.

Obviously she was never in the car to begin with.

The most common excuses are sick children, sitters falling through, or last minute illnesses. The reality of the situation is that people get geared up and say they are going to do something adventurous, and then have little freak outs at the last minute. They weren’t honest with themselves up front, and therefore can’t be honest with us when it’s time to act. It’s understandable to a degree, but disappointing none the less.

In light of my recent unfulfilled fantasy trauma, I have demanded Mexican food and we will be watching “Premium Rush.”

I will have fried ice cream, oh yes… in my nice, clean house.

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Baby It’s Cold Outside… So Let’s Have A Threesome Part I

Fun Fact: January is the best time to find wacky, multi-partner sex.

Tomorrow, I get to have a long-time sexual fantasy fulfilled… which means I need to clean my bedroom. The pre-fantasy cleaning really kills the mood. For the past two years I’ve really wanted to watch the good Captain play with another woman’s breasts (and strictly that) while I just watch or what have you. I am, of course, excited… but if we end up dead somehow, please have the cops check my cell phone for someone with the last name “Boobplay.”

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One couple's wacky, multi-partner sex adventures and quest for poly love.

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