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For some reason, men think that if I go on a date with them and find them attractive it means that I want to have sex with them on the next date. Is it because I’m already married? Is it because I openly talk about sex? Or is it because the art of wooing a woman is dying?
Granted, when a man doesn’t immediately try to get into my pants in some fashion I think something is wrong with him… or worse yet… with me. So I’m probably not helping the male population with their behavioural issues. It’s like this. I’m of an age where I want to feel like things are special. I want to have strong feelings of attraction, not just find someone aesthetically pleasing to look at.
A “gentlemanly” fellow has asked me to the movies. I have begun the process of cancelling my date with him for the following reasons:
I was almost looking forward to my nerdy date to see the new Hobbit flick up until the whole Zumba thing happened and then I immediately wrote him off as someone with whom I cannot ever have sex. Now I am in the process of not responding to text messages as frequently. It’s no real loss. It’s not as if his gentlemanly behaviour was truly sincere. His attempts at being flirtatious came off more like creepy uncle patter than as sexy date chatter.
But I digress.
No, just because I’m married it doesn’t mean I’m looking to get laid. And no, just because I let you kiss me it doesn’t mean I’m ready to fuck you. And…. no… we aren’t going to have sex on the first date or second date. This isn’t a difficult concept to grasp.
1.changing frequently, esp. as regards one’s loyalties, interests, or affection.
As easy as I am to turn on, I am equally as easy to turn off. The “Man Hands” episode of Seinfeld is a perfect illustration of how quickly I cool my heels. Therefore I am incredibly difficult to date, because one little mole or snort or hobby or habit can blow the entire deal. It is one thing to be discriminating or even picky, but I take being fickle very seriously. It is a special person who can get past my original summation of their obvious and not-so-obvious flaws and fast decision to never, ever see them again.
So… I’ve been dating. Here is how that is going:
Name: Science Guy
How We Met: He responded to a Craigslist ad I posted.
First Date: Dinner at a local Italian chain and discussion of arcade game circuitry, String Theory, and literature.
First Date Wrap-Up: A light (extremely light… we’re talking just barely touching) hug.
Second Date? Yes… Vietnamese for lunch and another light hug.
Third Date? No.
Why It Won’t Work: He asked me he if he could buy me a Christmas present and had our next 7 dates planned out. He lied about being married and told me that it was great that I had an open relationship, but that he did not. He tried to play the “my marriage shouldn’t be a factor in us dating and vice versa” card. I don’t date married men who are lying to their wives. Period. I’m not comfortable being party to deceit.
Am I Being Unreasonable? Society wouldn’t say so. Nobody likes a cheater.
Name: Mr. Barnes & Noble
How We Met: He asked for my number at Barnes & Noble after a short discussion about a literary magazine I was reading at a table in the Starbucks.
First Date: Coffee at a local chain.
First Date Wrap-Up: Kissing
Second Date? No.
Why It Won’t Work: He has sent me numerous pictures of his cats via text, and is a Mac user. Cat/Mac people are insufferable. He’s bisexual, and I’ve vowed “never again” when it comes to dating bisexual men.
Am I Being Unreasonable? Probably. I liked him. He’s cute. I enjoy our “textual” interaction, but really the Cat/Mac thing is too much of a turn off for me to continue with anything beyond the occasional text conversation.
Name: The Musician
How We Met: OK Cupid
First Date: Coffee at a vegetarian cafe where we mostly talked about him and places he’s toured in Europe.
First Date Wrap-Up: Kissing and him going for a grope.
Second Date? No.
Why It Won’t Work: He’s 23 and lives in a house with five roommates. On the very same day we met he started asking me to come back to his place- once at the end of our date, and then again via repeated texts for the remainder of the day. He obviously liked me, but I don’t fuck someone right after I meet them (anymore). The biggest turn off was when he made MILF references. I get it. I’m 33 and a mom. That doesn’t make it okay to discuss my age or family in a sexual context.
Am I Being Unreasonable? Being direct is important to me but there is a difference between being direct and being forward. Just because I’m in an open relationship it does not mean I am some pent up housewife looking for a quick lay. I shut down when people start calling me a “hot mom.”
As I mentioned in my last post, my we’ve been playing with the dating app, Tinder, for the past month. I ended up installing it again simply because I enjoy playing the “hot or not” game with the chance that a decent conversation might occur.
Last night my husband was supposed to have drinks with a gal he met on Tinder… and last night this girl flaked. He saw it coming… she was less responsive to texts in the days leading up to the planned meeting. She had originally said, “no,” in fact. When he sent his last ditch text saying that he’d be at such and such bar at such and such time and asking if she’d be there, she simply responded:
“I don’t think so.”
I’ve been thinking about flaking over the past few days, why we (women) do it and how it can be avoided. I considered writing a post about it, but why recreate the wheel? The following is a snippet from an article at DoctorNerdLove.com. Dr Nerdlove really nails down the in and outs of last minute cancellations.
“Sudden radio silence – watching a flirtation over OKCupid cut off without warning, or a string of unanswered calls or texts without even the promise of a date in the first place – are not flaking. These are signs that, for whatever reason, the person you were talking to just decided that they were no longer interested. Maybe you screwed up. Maybe they just weren’t feeling the chemistry. Maybe they have an irrational hatred of the way you use the oxford comma, who knows?Flaking, on the other hand, is a last minute-cancellation of tentative plans; you’re all spruced up, so caught up with excitement for your date with that cute woman you met at the bar last Monday that you’ve shown up twenty minutes early. You’re half-caught up in imagining the sloppy make-outs that are in store for you later that night when you get the dreaded text: “Hey, turns out I can’t make it today. Maybe some other time.” Suddenly, you’re left all dressed up with nowhere to go, feeling your ego and your half-chub deflating like a leaky pool-toy. Any subsequent texts get non-commital answers and your voice mails aren’t being returned in the first place. Why Women FlakeFlaking usually comes down to one of two issues. The first is very simple: she’s not that into you. She may have been having a good time with you in the moment – after all, everybody appreciates talking with someone who’s funny and interesting, especially if they’re good looking – but ultimately, she’s just not feeling that spark she needs that pushes her from “Well that was fun,” to “That was fun and I want to see this guy again!”. Other women will simply play along for a while… maybe out of boredom, maybe just because they’re going along to get along and just waiting for a socially acceptable excuse to send you packing. This, incidentally, is one of the reasons why women will just hand out their number so easily to people they don’t give a damn about; it presents a natural break in the interaction and most guys will take it and go away. In an age of omnipresent cellphones, caller ID and voice mail, giving out a phone number is low-risk, low-investment. A woman can tell at a glance that someone she doesn’t care about and let it go straight to voice mail – and then from there to the digital garbage bin.”
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