Seinfeld-esque Fickleness, and other Misadventures


1.changing frequently, esp. as regards one’s loyalties, interests, or affection.


As easy as I am to turn on, I am equally as easy to turn off. The “Man Hands” episode of Seinfeld is a perfect illustration of how quickly I cool my heels. Therefore I am incredibly difficult to date, because one little mole or snort or hobby or habit can blow the entire deal. It is one thing to be discriminating or even picky, but I take being fickle very seriously. It is a special person who can get past my original summation of their obvious and not-so-obvious flaws and fast decision to never, ever see them again.  

So… I’ve been dating. Here is how that is going:

Name: Science Guy

How We Met: He responded to a Craigslist ad I posted.

First Date: Dinner at a local Italian chain and discussion of arcade game circuitry, String Theory, and literature. 

First Date Wrap-Up: A light (extremely light… we’re talking just barely touching) hug. 

Second Date? Yes… Vietnamese for lunch and another light hug.

Third Date? No.

Why It Won’t Work: He asked me he if he could buy me a Christmas present and had our next 7 dates planned out. He lied about being married and told me that it was great that I had an open relationship, but that he did not. He tried to play the “my marriage shouldn’t be a factor in us dating and vice versa” card. I don’t date married men who are lying to their wives. Period. I’m not comfortable being party to deceit. 

Am I Being Unreasonable? Society wouldn’t say so. Nobody likes a cheater.

Name: Mr. Barnes & Noble

How We Met: He asked for my number at Barnes & Noble after a short discussion about a literary magazine I was reading at a table in the Starbucks. 

First Date: Coffee at a local chain. 

First Date Wrap-Up: Kissing

Second Date? No.

Why It Won’t Work: He has sent me numerous pictures of his cats via text, and is a Mac user. Cat/Mac people are insufferable. He’s bisexual, and I’ve vowed “never again” when it comes to dating bisexual men.

Am I Being Unreasonable? Probably. I liked him. He’s cute. I enjoy our “textual” interaction, but really the Cat/Mac thing is too much of a turn off for me to continue with anything beyond the occasional text conversation. 

Name: The Musician

How We Met: OK Cupid

First Date: Coffee at a vegetarian cafe where we mostly talked about him and places he’s toured in Europe.

First Date Wrap-Up: Kissing and him going for a grope.

Second Date? No.

Why It Won’t Work: He’s 23 and lives in a house with five roommates. On the very same day we met he started asking me to come back to his place- once at the end of our date, and then again via repeated texts for the remainder of the day. He obviously liked me, but I don’t fuck someone right after I meet them (anymore). The biggest turn off was when he made MILF references. I get it. I’m 33 and a mom. That doesn’t make it okay to discuss my age or family in a sexual context. 

Am I Being Unreasonable? Being direct is important to me but there is a difference between being direct and being forward. Just because I’m in an open relationship it does not mean  I am some pent up housewife looking for a quick lay. I shut down when people start calling me a “hot mom.”

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One couple's wacky, multi-partner sex adventures and quest for poly love.


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