Why Women Flake And How To Stop It | Paging Dr. NerdLove

As I mentioned in my last post, my we’ve been playing with the dating app, Tinder, for the past month. I ended up installing it again simply because I enjoy playing the “hot or not” game with the chance that a decent conversation might occur.

Last night my husband was supposed to have drinks with a gal he met on Tinder… and last night this girl flaked. He saw it coming… she was less responsive to texts in the days leading up to the planned meeting. She had originally said, “no,” in fact. When he sent his last ditch text saying that he’d be at such and such bar at such and such time and asking if she’d be there, she simply responded:

“I don’t think so.”

I’ve been thinking about flaking over the past few days, why we (women) do it and how it can be avoided. I considered writing a post about it, but why recreate the wheel? The following is a snippet from an article at DoctorNerdLove.com. Dr Nerdlove really nails down the in and outs of last minute cancellations.


“Sudden radio silence – watching a flirtation over OKCupid cut off without warning, or a string of unanswered calls or texts without even the promise of a date in the first place – are not flaking. These are signs that, for whatever reason, the person you were talking to just decided that they were no longer interested. Maybe you screwed up. Maybe they just weren’t feeling the chemistry. Maybe they have an irrational hatred of the way you use the oxford comma, who knows?Flaking, on the other hand, is a last minute-cancellation of tentative plans; you’re all spruced up, so caught up with excitement for your date with that cute woman you met at the bar last Monday that you’ve shown up twenty minutes early. You’re half-caught up in imagining the sloppy make-outs that are in store for you later that night when you get the dreaded text: “Hey, turns out I can’t make it today. Maybe some other time.” Suddenly, you’re left all dressed up with nowhere to go, feeling your ego and your half-chub deflating like a leaky pool-toy. Any subsequent texts get non-commital answers and your voice mails aren’t being returned in the first place. Why Women FlakeFlaking usually comes down to one of two issues. The first is very simple: she’s not that into you. She may have been having a good time with you in the moment – after all, everybody appreciates talking with someone who’s funny and interesting, especially if they’re good looking – but ultimately, she’s just not feeling that spark she needs that pushes her from “Well that was fun,” to “That was fun and I want to see this guy again!”. Other women will simply play along for a while… maybe out of boredom, maybe just because they’re going along to get along and just waiting for a socially acceptable excuse to send you packing. This, incidentally, is one of the reasons why women will just hand out their number so easily to people they don’t give a damn about; it presents a natural break in the interaction and most guys will take it and go away. In an age of omnipresent cellphones, caller ID and voice mail, giving out a phone number is low-risk, low-investment. A woman can tell at a glance that someone she doesn’t care about and let it go straight to voice mail – and then from there to the digital garbage bin.”

via Why Women Flake And How To Stop It | Paging Dr. NerdLove.

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