A rather unpleasant discussion on a Polyamory Bulletin Board about not feeling comfortable in some poly relationships triggered this post. I considered outlining the whole mess, but all you really need to know is that someone on the board held the opinion that either you are polyamorous and okay with every single thing that happens in a polyamorous relationship, or you are not polyamorous and you are being selfish by not getting the fuck out of the “lifestyle.”
Obviously that opinion holds no water with me. I’ve been in a poly relationship and there were things that were awesome and there were things that hurt my feelings and there were things that I learned and ways that I grew. One of the most important lessons I learned during that particular relationship is that, no, I don’t know how I will feel about 100% of everything. Therefore it is important to communicate communicate communicate.
The bulletin board thing happened months ago, but I recently received a message from a gal who asked if I’d be willing to talk to her because, given what she had read in the discussion thread, she thinks that she is going through something similar to what I went through.
It’s been some time since I’ve updated this blog and that’s just because we haven’t really had anything going on in the wacky sex department. However I feel it is important that everyone out there trying their hand at poly love knows this:
Human relationships aren’t perfect and that you know yourself as well as anyone else but still not know what you want. And polyamory and open relationships can work most of the time in your relationship, but that doesn’t mean it works all the time. People should experiment with who they are. Sometimes you don’t know how you feel about things until you’ve been doing them for years and one day you realize you’re not happy. That’s life AND polyamory.
Life is an experiment.