Masturbation Is Wrong? Nah… It’s Awesome!

I came across this article and I was shocked. It’s an amusing read, if you are able to keep your AHH-SEXUAL-REPRESSION-IS-WRONG rage beast at bay long enough to appreciate that someone took the time to crop pictures of Russel Brand (pegged as a “masturbator”) and Matt Damon (a “master of self control”) to the same size.

Essentially, one of the missions of is to spread sex-negative propaganda and misinformation. For example:

“For adults, masturbation exhausts. It can make one groggy and unfocused. It has a steamrolling effect, encouraging individuals to think more about sex and less about their work at hand. The connection to workplace safety is evident, particularly with men operating heavy machinery or dangerous equipment. These are the very sorts of people who need to be completely focused and when their distractions and fatigues take over, the productivity of our workplaces suffers. In offices, internet porn is the most common cause of procrastination and another drain on the economy.

Despite the warnings of doctors and religious scholars, masturbation still remains very popular in America. As a society, this degree of self-manipulation goes too far in familiarizing men and women with their bodies. These people become less active in their communities and begin to see themselves as sexual predators whose sole purpose is to climax at the end of the night. Masturbation has had a ruinous effect on the institution of marriage. Countless couples have been destroyed by porn addiction, many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.”

via How To Spot A Masturbator • ChristWire.

It makes me sad that, as a society who seems to be moving in the right direction towards sexual positivity, there are still people who teach their children it is wrong to masturbate.

It makes me even sadder that those children are going to grow up and have unhealthy sex lives. If you feel wrong touching your own body, how can you freely and openly touch the body of another. You’re always holding back. You’re always guarded.

Over the years I have met many, many married couples who came from conservative backgrounds and don’t have good sex lives. They married young, and typically didn’t have any sexual encounters with anyone other than their spouse, and usually those encounters happened after marriage. I’m all for tradition, but not when it makes people unhappy. I didn’t know who I was sexually when I was a teenager. Most of us don’t. That’s why we experiment! Those married couples usually suffer from an inequality in their desires that is deeply rooted in how they were raised and how they treat themselves sexually.

Most of the time it is the man of the couple who is itching to break free and explore. That leads to a very put upon wife who s both confused and concerned about her husband’s new-found sexual liberation. She can feel rejected by him simply because she feels that what he is into in the bedroom is wrong on some level, and yet she wants to please him… but knows she can’t let herself please him fully… and she knows he knows. It’s a yucky cycle.

Sometimes it is the woman of the couple who is ready to break free. She almost becomes wild, and tries to “spice things up” with lingerie and porn and all manner of things. The man, again, rejects her, not because she is unable to fulfill him, but because his wife has suddenly become a dirty slut.

Let’s break it down. If it is wrong to masturbate and know our own bodies fully, then it is wrong for others to masturbate and know their bodies fully. If we masturbate, we feel release and then immediate shame. If our partner masturbates, we look down upon them for they are weak and loathsome. This whirlpool of negativity surrounding our own bodies and our own sexuality sucks every one else into it to some degree.

If I can’t pleasure myself, how can I pleasure you? How can I teach you to pleasure me?

Will I ever truly know pleasure?

I have a friend whose mother has never had an orgasm. The woman is in her fifties and she was raised to believe that masturbation is wrong. She has spent her entire life, from her early teens until now with the same man. She reads books about masturbation, she tries different sexual positions (which, I can tell you, has not been entirely un-traumatic for my friend who has had to talk to her mother about these things,) and she tries, bless her, tries to masturbate but is so programmed to believe that what she is doing is wrong that she has never been able to get over the hump.

Therefore this woman not only feels shame for wanting trying to masturbate, but also feels like a sexual failure because she can’t make herself come.

Is that what we want for our children?

Personally, I have had to overcome similar issues. As a teenager I was not only a closeted masturbator but also a closeted bisexual- yay for double whammies! The idea that women could touch themselves caused such harsh cognitive dissonance that I would sometimes cry when I masturbated. But I masturbated constantly, and I was obsessed with seeing sex and having sex and getting off, all of it.

My first sexual relationship with a man was doomed because of my sexual hang-ups and fascinations. I wanted sex all the time, but wasn’t comfortable asking for it or expressing myself sexually. Almost at the point where I was comfortable with myself and with him sexually, he stopped having sex with me, and I regressed into a non-masturbating shame-bot. I thought that my sex drive was abnormal. I thought that there was something so wrong with me that he couldn’t bring himself to have sex with me. It turned out to be entirely an issue on his part, and our relationship didn’t last long after that.

Immediately after that relationship ended I began my Year of Promiscuity. It was 2002 and I was determined to fuck anyone who would let me. Sex felt good, and by golly I was going to equate my self worth with the amount of sex I could manage to have.

I hope I have sufficiently illustrated the amount of neuroses attached to my sexuality and shown how fucked up one tiny idea can make a person.

Masturbation is wrong?


Masturbation is awesome.

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