We have a number of what we consider to be well-written ads that we rotate through for use on Craigslist and whatever personals site we happen to be hot and heavy on at the time. We almost always include a statement about preferring pictures of peoples’ faces as opposed to close-up shots of erections and shiny pink vaginas. It’s not that we don’t appreciate erections and shiny pink vaginas, it’s just that looking deep into an erection or a shiny pink vagina fails to tell us whether you are going to stab us and/or steal our valuables.
Granted, one can not truly determine the intentions of another by looking at a photograph of their face or, indeed, even into their eyes in person. But one likes to think they can get a sense of the other person’s moral fiber… at least enough to determine if dinner or coffee is in order.
Now, it is absolutely understandable to protect your identity online, especially when engaging in sexual activity that is not considered the societal norm, but there is a trend I’ve noticed recently that takes discretion to a silly level. We have received several responses to ads, typically from couples who are newer to the world of wacky sex, that include photographs of the couple with their heads completely blotted out through the magic of Microsoft Paint. Or, amusingly enough, they have taken the time to put little black bars over their eyes as if they were in the witness protection program.
That is all entirely fine for the first or second e-mail exchange, when you haven’t really gotten a sense of to whom you are speaking and how trustworthy they are. But we have had couples continue this game over the course of many e-mails. Meanwhile, we have most likely sent them a selection of G-rated photos that in no way mask our identities.
So, let me get this straight… you, the newbie couple who is afraid that the big bad internet will eat you alive, are interested in meeting us or fucking us or what have you… and you get to know exactly what we look like, and even our common names… but we have to refer to you by an initial and have to guess what you look like?
Okay, just checking.
Discretion means that we won’t kiss and tell, and can also mean that we don’t even say hello to you in the grocery store. However, the only people who are ever going to know that we are meeting or have met with the intention of sizing one another up for sex are us. Are you telling other people? No? Great. We aren’t either. Then why can’t you run into someone you know at the grocery store- your overwhelming guilt and boring hangups?
Okay, just checking.
If someone places an ad looking for wacky sexventures then they aren’t going to judge you for wanting to have wacky sexventures. It’s just far more polite to provide someone with a nice picture of you smiling and looking into the camera than to present this constant worry that the world might find out you enjoy sex. We aren’t going to meet you sight unseen. We are also less likely to pursue any sort of interaction with you because you have not engaged in the slightest amount of mutual trust.