Rules of Engagement Part I+: An In-Real-Life Aside

I tend to forget that the entire world is not as internet-centric as we are when it comes to meeting people for wacky sex, so I thought it important to add commentary about in-real-life social interactions and how they may or may not lead to more.

If  “Rules of Engagement Part I” was printed off and somehow faxed to you, and left you confused and wondering why people just don’t meet people in bookstores… this blog’s for you.

Meeting People Without Using The Internet

I don’t have steps or a great deal of advice for you past briefly sharing our own experience. We have never met people (with whom we have later messed around) in bookstores or coffee shops or in the produce aisle at the grocery store. We have met people at a local fetish club and had rather a successful couple-friends-with-benefits run as a result.

I can tell you that you are more likely to meet sexually open-minded people in sexually open-minded situations like clubs, burlesque shows, bars… and of course there are those swinger gatherings.

We don’t think of ourselves as swingers and aren’t interested in referring to anything as a lifestyle… and have therefore never attended a swingers party or function. I really can’t comment on them.

Having Wacky Sex With People You Already Know

Picture this:

You and your partner are having dinner with friends/acquaintances. There is alcohol involved. Everyone is having a nice time and laughing… and suddenly you’re all naked in a hot tub together. You think to yourself, “Wow! We are going to get it on with this other couple! Isn’t this cool! We’re already friendly. How perfect!”

But the reality of the situation is that the situation is an anomaly.  These people in the hot tub with you are squares and would never, ever, engage in wacky multi-partner sex. They are simply intoxicated and there were no bathing suits to be had.

So you go home, doubting yourselves, snippy with one another because obviously one of you did something to kill the sexy vibe. You definitely cool your heels on your pursuit of sexventures for a while. All is glum.

The problem that arises from being sexually permissive and open to a variety of sexual situations is that you forget that not everyone is like you. You drive through neighborhoods, and as my husband puts it, “you know there has to be something dirty going on behind those closed blinds.” This skewed view makes it difficult to determine if a pleasant evening with friends is something that will lead to sex, or is just a pleasant evening with friends.

Our approach these days is to look for openings. If friends bring it up then we will talk about it or joke about it. Personally, I am always guarded in social situations because I really can’t tell the difference between harmless flirting and someone expressing their desire to fuck me. We don’t put our sexual proclivities out there for the general public to see. We try to let the public come to us.

Hence our heavy use of the internet in this regard. It’s so much easier to list out what you’re looking for using a semi-anonymous medium than it is to put yourselves out there only to face rejection, and often ridicule.

If you have special friends with whom you have occasional naughty fun, then chances are it is something that happened spontaneously. These things just can’t be forced or expected. They happen when they happen.

My basic advice here is to use the internet. It hurts less when someone you don’t know on the internet says they aren’t interested.

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One couple's wacky, multi-partner sex adventures and quest for poly love.

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