Rules of Engagement Part I: Personals Sites, Spell Check, and Cock Pics… Oh My!

We’ve always talked about writing an etiquette book for wacky, multi-partner sex encounters and poly-dating but it’s never come to fruition. Therefore I’ve decided to put together a mini-blog series on how to fucking act when you’re a married person who is trying to have threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes.

Meeting People

Although feminine product and condom commercials are now perfectly acceptable Prime Time viewing, we still live in a world where polyamory and all of its offshoots are not the societal norm. So how are you supposed to meet people for wacky sex?

Well, Craigslist and hookup/dating sites of course!

Personally, we’ve had a great deal of luck posting well-thought-out ads on Craigslist and then managing responses through an anonymous e-mail address. We’ve also had a bit of luck with AFF. But there are tons of personals sites dedicated to not only swinging (and I use the term purely for clarity’s sake) but also to BDSM and fetish connections. Different sites work for different people, and your success rate is directly related to how much energy you devote to making a site work for you.

I’ll probably write a Craigslist-specific how-to at some point in the future, but for now, here’s a list of tips to make yourself or selves attractive to potential wacky sex partners.

  1. Know what you’re looking for and be prepared to be specific. If you’re reading this blog you’ve probably already entered into talks with your significant other an decided what you really want. Be it NSA or FWB, you should put it down in writing and both of you should have input. If you’re new to wacky sexventures, declare that in your written description and commit to being honest with yourselves and others about what you do and do not wish to do.
  2. Choose a website that works for you. As I mentioned above, there are many options available and you might be tempted to try a bunch of them all at once. Managing all of the different logins and having to check a variety of places for responses is tedious and can make what is supposed to be an exciting sexventure turn into drudgery. Pick one website and go with it. If it isn’t yielding positive returns within a month to three months, move on to another site.
  3. Write your ad or profile. This step is really easy if you’ve already outlined what you’re looking for with your partner. If you’re winging it, be sure to include an honest and current description of yourselves along with information about your desired partner. If you want someone with huge tits or within a desired age range, say so. But don’t make the entire ad about want want want. Try to throw in some give give give! How are you, as a couple, going to make this fun for your prospective partner? What do you have to offer? Are you funny? Say so! Are you college-educated? Say so! Give people a sense of your personality and your sensuality. You’ll get better responses.
  4. Proofread that shit. Ads and profiles with grammar and spelling errors, or worse, text abbreviations make you sound stupid. Chances are your browser checks spelling for you, so all you have to do is read your ad OUT LOUD to determine if there are any glaring grammar boo-boos. Proper punctuation is less important than the words and content themselves. If you portray yourself as a blithering idiot in your ad, you will get responses from blithering idiots. If you don’t care? Then go forth, my children, into your own folly.
  5. Post that shit. This is the exciting part where you make it official. You and yours are looking to do it with other people and you are declaring it to the world! Now you can sit back and relax and let all that strange just come to you, right?
  6. Wrong. You should also read other people’s profiles and ads and send responses with either your ad text or profile attached. Posting your own information is just half the battle. To really make a website work for you, you have to take advantage of its search and filter features, or, in the case of Craigslist, do some searching on your own. The girl or couple of your dreams might not follow this advice. If they’re sitting back and waiting for responses, then you have to respond. It’s as simple as that.
  7. Manage that shit. When and if responses start coming in, or even if you’re having a dialogue with someone whose ad you answered, you have to reply in a timely fashion. I suggest having a joint yet anonymous e-mail account through which you and your partner send responses if the service you’re using does not have an internal messaging system. That way you can reply and they can reply, or one of you can be the primary responder and the other serve as proofreader. Your written presentation is just as important in your responses as it is in your initial ad, so I suggest you…
  8. Use canned responses you’ve created yourself. It is very likely you will find you have the same message dialogue over and over again. If you include all of the pertinent information in your ad upfront, you can limit the amount of talking about yourself you do in your responses. But you will still want to share information about yourselves that make you seem like non-psychopaths. It is perfectly okay to use the same response on different people, so long as you customize it appropriately. How many ways are there to say, “I’m nerdy and love books and math rock and my wife enjoys building birdhouses and scrapbooking?” Not very many. So copy and paste like a pro.
  9. Send pictures. All of this hard work is for naught if you don’t include some pictures with your responses. People like to know that you’re A.real and B. probably not going to kill them and C. relatively attractive. Do include pleasant pictures of your faces smiling early on in the interaction. Do not just send pictures of your genitals. People have to like your face in order to fuck you, then your body, and lastly your genitals. So plan your picture sharing in that order. If you’re uncomfortable sharing pictures of yourself because you are worried about people in your “real life” finding out about your sexventures, then you need to remember that the people responding are people who also want discretion and sexventures. If they show you theirs, show them yours. You can even add a “your pictures get ours” statement to your ad/profile.
  10. Most importantly, be honest with yourselves and the people responding. If you aren’t interested, don’t plan to meet them and never show up or have a long, drawn out e-mail conversation. Don’t waste anyone’s time, especially your own.
  11. Narrow the field. So you’ve put yourself out there and gotten some responses and you have a collection of neat people you might want to meet and later fuck. Now it’s time to start planning some dates.

Check back later this week for “Rules of Engagement Part II: Dating Is Dating.”

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2 thoughts on “Rules of Engagement Part I: Personals Sites, Spell Check, and Cock Pics… Oh My!

  1. […]  “Rules of Engagement Part I” was printed off and somehow faxed to you, and left you confused and wondering why people just […]

  2. […] found that perfect someone or someones with whom to have sex (on the internet, as I suggested in Rules of Engagement Part I) and now you’re ready to meet them in person! This whole process can be fun or frustrating, […]

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